It's Only the R-Word

Retard (as defined here): noun, a person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way: e.g. a hopeless social retard.

I had an entirely different blog topic lined up for discussion today, and I threw it out the window the minute I read this post.

Rob's post further stewed thoughts that were already in my brain about the same subject ever since I caught the above PSA on tv last week (featuring Jane Lynch and Lauren Potter from Glee). The campaign is called Spread the Word to End the Word and I think it is one that everyone should be discussing. As the campaign website states:

"When they were originally introduced, the terms “mental retardation” or “mentally retarded” were medical terms with a specifically clinical connotation; however, the pejorative forms, “retard” and “retarded” have been used widely in today’s society to degrade and insult people with intellectual disabilities. Additionally, when “retard” and “retarded” are used as synonyms for “dumb” or “stupid” by people without disabilities, it only reinforces painful stereotypes of people with intellectual disabilities being less valued members of humanity." (from here)

I think it is safe to say that we have all, at one time or another, used the word "retard" or "retarded", either to describe a person or circumstance. I admit it - I have certainly used it in the past as a way to describe something as ridiculous. I am not proud of that. It is never a word I have been proud to use - I have always stopped myself briefly when I felt it getting ready to leave my mouth and sometimes would adjust my speech. But sometimes I would let it slip out anyway. It's not like I ever received retribution from anyone for using the word. It has become such a normal descriptor in our language that even I, someone who is intimately connected to a person with an intellectual disability, can say use it with barely a second thought.

That's right - I have a family member with an intellectual disability. My sister to be exact, and she has Down's Syndrome. Since my sister is five years older than me, there has never been a time that she has not been in my life, so to say that I am comfortable and supportive of people with disabilities is an understatement.

However, even if you are accustomed to living with Down's or a similar condition that closely there is this sense of discomfort. A sense that you are different from other people with "normal" siblings. That when you tell people about your situation, there inevitably arises a wall between you and them; a wall of misunderstanding, maybe mixed with a pinch of pity or perhaps even respect.

I don't want pity or extra respect because of my situation and neither does she. I just want to be seen like every other family. I want my sister to be seen as a person - a sister, a daughter, an employee, a human being - not just a condition. Not just a face or body shape, a voice or an attitude. Not an IQ level or a community services charity case.

When we go out to the mall or out to eat, I want the people (kids AND adults) who see that she is different but are not sure why to stop staring at her (newsflash: she notices and it makes her uncomfortable). I want to live in a world where she can have the things she so desperately wants - to get married, to have kids, to go to University - things that my mother and I know she will never have, but can't bring ourselves to admit as such. I want to live in a world where she isn't relegated to "special" groups (even though these groups provide wonderful support and resources for her that I am very grateful for), special times, special places, special tasks. A world where she isn't "special", she's just normal.

Sometimes I even want to live in a world where my sister is not so high functioning, so that she wouldn't know that she is different.

But we don't live in that kind of world. We live in a world where my sister is considered "different" and is treated as such by those who don't understand. We live in a world where the word "retard" is used for Hollywood punchlines that make entire theatres erupt into snorts of laughter. Racial slurs are no longer considered acceptable, so why is this? As Sue and Becky say in the video, it is hate speech no matter who it is directed to. It is just as shameful to refer to someone as "retard" as it is to refer to someone as "nigger".

This isn't a perfect world, and it won't be anytime soon. I don't necessarily want it to be either. But, we can make small changes. We can start to think about the context and true meaning of words before they leave our mouth. We can take a moment to stop and wonder whether or not the word we want to use is appropriate and change our language accordingly. I know that I am going to start doing this more, and I will encourage others to as well.

Think about it. A word may be a small thing to you, but it could be a very big thing to someone else.

I know one thing - I will NOT be going to see The Change-Up. Now, I am not some close-minded person who cringes at offensive movies - I am actually very open-minded, believe in pushing the envelope in culture, and am not very easily offended. But I also feel it is possible to go too far. It's too bad because the movie looked funny from the previews and I really like the actors in it, but call me crazy - I would prefer to not hear the comment "this one looks a little Downsy" in person (reading it offended me enough).

I also am not suggesting that you don't go see it - I am not about to start a "Boycott The Change Up" campaign or anything. But if you must, I will encourage you to do one thing - when you hear Ryan's character's comment about the baby, please don't laugh. I realize that might be tough, but think about how tough it is for someone who actually lives with Down's every single day. Then you might not think the comment is so funny.

As Rob says in his post: "'Downsy'"? That's vile. If you laughed at that, please go live in a hut somewhere, far far away from actual human people."

Learn more about the STWTETW campaign at r-word.org. Support the campaign by following them on Twitter or liking their Facebook page.

Sin City

I am a very proud Canadian.

Whenever I travel, I am reminded of how lucky I am to be born and raised in this country - a country of free healthcare, friendly and humble citizens, and (thankfully) a stable government and economy that allows me many opportunities and assistance. It also helps that it's pretty darn beautiful to look at, coast to coast.

It's not often that people or events in my country waver this patriotism of mine, but in moments like this it is hard to be proud:

Via The Globe and Mail

You can read the full story here. I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing when I turned on the news this morning. Not just rioting, but there was also word that someone was stabbed?! I was immediately disgusted and surprised. This is not the kind of image I want my beloved country to be projecting around the world.

The fact that this happened at all is completely shameful, but the fact that it happened over a hockey game is just plain ridiculous. What ever happened to sportsmanship? What ever happened to dignity and respect? I realize your team lost, but IT'S JUST A GAME. They have lost many other times and will probably lose many more times in the future. Get over it.

Now, I'm not much of a sports fan so I suppose I cannot fully understand the zeal and passion that people have for such games. But, even though I am not a proud sports fan, I am (as I mentioned) a proud Canadian, which means I am going to join every other person and their dog across the country in cheering on a Canadian team whenever they get to some kind of important event. I was as disappointed as anyone to hear that Vancouver lost - they must feel like shit - but that doesn't mean I am going to run out into my street and start lighting stuff on fire and turning cars over like the Hulk. I thought to myself "Aw, that really sucks. But good job Boston" and continued getting ready for work. It's disgusting how seriously some people take things that are so small, and how far they take their frustration when things don't go their way. I don't know why I continue to be surprised by such things, but I do.

Unfortunately, the actions of a small group reflect badly on the majority whether we like it or not. I am sure people are seeing this on the news and thinking Vancouverites (and maybe even Canadians, in turn) are a bunch of sore losing neanderthals. You can't tell me that when you watch riots in other countries on the news that you don't judge the entire country/city based on it. I hope that people around the world watching this remember that these riots were caused by a small group of people (probably mostly drunk young men - at least that's what it looks like from the photos and footage) and the majority of people in Vancouver (hockey fans and not) are also horrified over this behaviour.

The majority of people in Vancouver went home last night like normal, civilized people and did not participate in this senseless violence. I saw many people on the news this morning exclaiming their shame and embarrassment. And judging by the notes on Twitter and Facebook I have read this morning, people all over the country are shocked, shamed and embarrassed. I feel badly that the majority of people that live in Vancouver are experiencing this and have the eyes of the world on them over something so silly.

This event was posted on Facebook this morning, and it is proof of the wonderful humanity of the majority of people in Vancouver. It is really great to see the majority take the power back and refuse to let their reputations be tarnished thanks to a few drunken, angry people. It is proof that even though human beings can be enormous dick-heads sometimes, they can also be very smart and compassionate and just like groups can be rallied to commit acts of violence, they can also be rallied to help and make positive change.

Very classy, Vancouver. You rock.

So, even though early this morning I was extremely angry and disappointed with the events of last night, I am still proud - proud to see actions being taken to counteract the negativity, proud to see disgusted people speak out and condemn these events as unacceptable, proud to see people do something about it.

I didn't want to get on a soapbox about this, and I am sure I have not addressed anything here that has not already been argued and debated on other social media, but this kind of behaviour just really grinds my gears. One of the things I will never understand is how and why people cannot just act in a mature and civilized manner (one of those mysteries of life that will never be solved).

I can't help but feel connected to anything that happens in Vancouver. I was actually born there, we moved to Halifax when I was about 2 years old, so technically I am FROM there  (though when asked where "home" is I will always say Nova Scotia). I almost feel as though there is an invisible thread running from my heart, across the miles and many landscapes of my country, all the way to the opposite end, the other "bookend" of Canada, tying me to that place. And in that way, any events that happen to those people, also happens to me.

Weird (and corny) metaphor, but true.

I am not happy about what happened, but I am still happy to have this thread reaching to Vancouver, and I am still very happy to be Canadian.

In conclusion, may I suggest that those hockey fans take a little trip down to Boston? Looks like they could learn a thing or two from them about manners.

Your Cheatin' Heart

I have been thinking a lot about cheating the last couple of days.

...ok, allow me to rephrase: I have been thinking a lot about why people cheat and what is considered cheating (not actually committing the ACT of cheating).

I watched a show last night where someone cheated on their gf a few months before, then tried (in vain) to make her take them back. I watched another show where two characters were in an "open relationship" and therefore (basically) cheated on each other on a regular basis. I also watched the first part of The Kennedy's miniseries, and one scene really stuck with me, where Joe Kennedy (John F and Bobby's father) is kissing his former mistress before she leaves his home for the night (after working there all day on John F's campaign) and the camera cuts to his wife watching the whole thing. His wife (Rose) then tells the girl it's probably chilly and asks if she needs to borrow a coat, not even acknowledging what she just witnessed.

Seeing these various displays of cheating and its aftermath is what originally got my mind rolling, but of course I think it's safe to say it's a universal issue that affects pretty much everyone at one time or another (and it's, therefore, probably something we all ponder at one time or another).

Now, I (thankfully) have never been cheated on (as far as I know), nor have I ever cheated on a partner so I can't really speak from experience on this one. But what I do know is that I would NEVER cheat on someone. EVER. And I really don't understand why someone would do it to another person.

To me, cheating is the ultimate betrayal and hurtful act in a relationship. And cheating is not only a betrayal - it involves lying and sneaking around behind your partner's back in some way - but it is also a way of saying (without actually using the words), any one or more of the following: You are not enough for me. You don't give me what I need. I am not satisfied being with you. I don't have any respect for you or your feelings. I am self-absorbed.

This may sound harsh, but I just don't understand how you could cheat on someone if you really care about them. If you really care about someone, you care about their happiness and their feelings. I don't see how you could betray someone whose happiness and feelings mean that much to you, so if you cheat on someone it must mean that their happiness and feelings really don't mean as much to you as you (or they) think.

I realize that not all situation are as black and white as that - sometimes you and your partner have problems. Sometimes the person being cheated ON does not treat you the way you should be treated. Sometimes people come into your life or situations happen to you that sweep you off your feet, compromise your judgment, and persuade you to make a bad decision.
However, I firmly believe that this is still not an excuse for cheating. If you are having problems in your relationship, the solution is to sit down with your partner and discuss them like adults. Chances are, if one or both of you are feeling that your needs are not met, talking this out, putting it out in the open can help solve these issues. If your partner is not willing to listen to you, change or discuss anything then that is the time to make your exit (and I mean completely out of the relationship, not to the bed of some other guy/girl).

And, if a situation presents itself to you that encourages you to cheat, it doesn't mean that you have to. We are all capable of self-control and we all (generally) know in our guts when we should not go through with something (when it's wrong), so if you give in to the "temptation" than the only person you have to blame is yourself. There are many people (myself included) who are tempted at one time or another, but have had the sense (and respect for myself and my partner) not to act on it.

Cheating does not make problems disappear or shrink, it only adds more problems that didn't need to be there in the first place. It complicates. Have enough respect for your partner to be honest with them and give them the benefit of the doubt, and have enough respect for yourself to not run to someone else's arms to make yourself feel better or to get "revenge".

In terms of how I would react if cheated on, I can see why some people take cheaters back, but I think I would have a lot of trouble doing this. I have trust issues with men anyway (not going there right now), so if someone cheated on me I think that would kill the little bit of trust I've managed to build into myself. And even if I could take that person back, the act would always be there - like the white elephant in the room, it would be hanging over your relationship like a fog. Forgiving is fairly easy to accomplish, but forgetting? Not so much...

It's a tough situation though, and I acknowledge how complicated most situations are that involve cheating. I suppose there are people out there who would not feel as betrayed and hurt as I would. I'm sure there are people out there who don't see cheating as such a bad thing, and that it depends on the circumstances. And that's fine - to each his own! However, I think it's important that both partners are on the same page - if one partner has an open view on cheating and does not believe in defining it so strictly, then they had better make sure their partner feels the same way. It is not fair for someone who is open about cheating to date someone who is not, just as it is not fair for someone who is NOT open about cheating to expect a partner who IS to stay faithful (don't hold your breath for that to happen).

Anyway, when it comes right down to it, I personally feel that cheating is never justified and I vow to never do it to someone nor date someone who has a history of doing this or an open opinion about it in general. Because, in the end, you're not just cheating on them - you're also cheating yourself, and that's just not 'me'.

Thoughts? What is your stance on cheating? Have you ever been cheated on/cheated on someone? How did it make you feel? Did you stay with that person? What do you consider "cheating"? Discuss!

War...what is it good for?

It was quite the scene on America's Next Top Model last night. I for one was shocked at Brittany's behaviour on the set of the Ford photo shoot, and I found the wheels in my head turning like crazy with my opinions about the incident - so much so that I felt I had to share.

(unfortunately I couldn't find a good video, so those of you that didn't see it may be a tad lost as to what I'm talking about, but sorry it's too much to explain)

I also felt I had to share because I feel there is a good lesson here that can be applied to everyday life. The models and the setting can serve as a metaphor for something everyone (in my opinion) should keep in mind.

Look, I dislike Alexandria as much as everyone else does - she is bossy, full of herself and sucks up to the judges - and I certainly understand the urge to call people like that out (I think we all have known people we would like to punch in the face). But the fact is, no matter what your feelings are about somebody, there is a time and place for voicing those opinions. The time and place is NOT your place of work or in any kind of setting where you are being closely analyzed and watched. And the time and place is CERTAINLY not in front of your boss, supervisor, or other important person (which, in this case, was photographer and judge, Nigel Barker). In fact, that is the last person you should be having immature yelling matches in front of. If you feel that you must confront the person that you have issues with, at least do it in private.

You know what happens when you have an angry confrontation with someone in front of other people? It doesn't call that person out so much as it makes YOU look like an idiot. It makes you look like an impulsive, crazy, irrational person. Instead of making you look like the bigger person, it stoops you down to the other person's level. I'm not saying that a confrontation like this does NOT make the other person look bad, but it also makes YOU look bad, and why would you want that?

I am probably not a good person to judge others when it comes to confrontation and the proper way of doing it because I'm the most non-confrontational person ever. I am very shy about calling people out and in most cases will not say anything, even if I really want to. However, part of the reason I do not confront people even if I want to is because I do not necessarily feel that confrontation is helpful in all situations. And I feel that even if confrontation will be helpful in a situation, that there is a certain way it should be done.

Aside from it being done in private, I think it helps if a confrontation is done civilly. In fact, I don't really like the word "confrontation" for that reason - if a situation is "confrontational" it inherently implies anger and aggression. It conjures up the image of a pair of guests on an episode of Jerry Springer - faces inches apart, mouths wide open and flapping rapidly, wild eyes, arms flapping up and down and fingers wagging. I don't know about you, but I find that to be a rather scary and intimidating image.

You know what Microsoft Word lists as synonyms for "confrontation"? Argument, disagreement, quarrel, altercation, war of words, conflict, row, opposition, resistance, defiance. I prefer the word "discussion", whose synonyms are listed as follows: conversation, debate, argument, dialogue, talk, chat. Now, do those synonyms not sound less scary to you?!

My point is, discussing a problem you have with another person does not have to be angry. There is a way to discuss such things in a way that is straightforward and lets them know that you are frustrated, while also staying calm. You can state your case in a clear, articulate way and ultimately get your point across more clearly and avoid a lot of misunderstanding. The thing is, yelling and anger only invites more yelling and more anger and it is pretty tough to bring an angry yelling match to a happy conclusion. However, the same is true for calm and rationale - they invite more calm and more rationale. Obviously, some people are going to get angry with what you say whether you say it calmly or not, but the difference there is that it will only be THEM making an ass of themselves instead of both of you. You will look positively saintly next to their volatility. Either that or the other person is not going to change anyway or even care about your opinion of them. Either way, you will have made your point and kept your dignity intact at the same time.

Plus, lets be honest you will get a great laugh from seeing their face turn bright red and their spit fly.

I admit, I respect people who can confront others in an assertive yet articulate way because I have a lot of trouble with that, and that's another part of the reason why I generally don't confront people - when I do, my emotions start to well up and I start rambling, turning red and sputtering as a result. In most cases, it's just better for me to not get into it. However, I will never respect people who choose to unload their frustrations in an angry and public way - I will just continue to shake my head in disbelief at their behaviour and be convinced that they are starved for attention and/or extremely conceited.

This is pretty much what I was doing all last night while watching the antics on ANTM unfold. The crappy thing is, I like Brittany a lot and she is one of my favourite girls on the show this year. However, I lost a lot of respect for her because of this incident, and it's clear that the judges and the other girls did too (did anyone else notice how NO ONE backed Brittany up when she finally did confront Alexandria? Funny how that happens-the other girls obviously know how to keep their feelings to themselves). That is HUGE, especially when it comes to a career like modelling which is based in large part on reputation. And HELLO?! You are supposed to be a role model! What kind of message are you sending to young girls who watch you? It's bad enough that models make young girls feel fat and ugly, lets not add to that by justifying unprofessional behaviour too.

I totally agree with everything Tyra told her (even though Tyra frankly annoys me a lot of the time), but I also agree that she should be given a second chance because another thing I believe is that someone should not be judged on one decision or incident, but by their overall "body of work".

We make mistakes - we get angry and don't think rationally, we use poor judgment and say things we don't mean, that's part of being a human being. Lord knows I have gotten upset over silly things millions of times before, put my foot in my mouth only to feel like a huge douche and/or moron later. But the key is to learn from these mistakes and not make poor decisions like this a trend. Freaking out angrily and publicly once is one thing - doing it on the daily is a whole other issue. I just hope Brittany learned a lesson from all of this.

The  bottom line is: The way I see it, when in doubt, keep your mouth shut.

I'm an "inextrovert"! What about you?

Man, I hate Mondays. I hate them even more after staying up until midnight to watch the Golden Globes. I always say I'm not going to stay up and watch the whole thing ("ok, next commerical break, I'm going to bed...") but I always end up doing it. I live-tweeted throughout the whole evening, which was actually fun! It was like sitting around chatting about the show in real time with your friends. Plus, making fun of celebrities is always a good time. I love how Ricky Gervais can make them squirm! Mwahaha.

Anyhoo, one thing I do like about Monday's is that it means the "Monday Morning Motivator" will be in my email inbox! I signed up for this weekly email a while back when I was researching career coaching. It's sort of an email "newsletter" sent out on Mondays by CareerJoy, a "Canadian Career Coaching Company", and it always contains a short headliner advice article that is usually an interesting read.

This week's email headliner, entitled "Yes, but I'm an introvert...", caught my eye. The article states:

"Are you an introvert or an extrovert? If you are in introvert you are in good company. Introverts make up around 25% of the population. Some famous introverts include, Barbara Walters, Warren Buffet & Pierre Trudeau. Carl Jung defined introverts as "inward turning" and extroverts as "outward turning." Introverts are more energized alone, extroverts are energized by people. The classic myth is introverts are not as good with people, as extroverts are. We are all social beings, introverts can in many ways be better with people, they tend to be better listeners, more creative and more analytical. There are many advantages to being "inward turning" I would argue that it has never been a better time to be an introvert. With the rise of social media tools like, blogging. Linkedin, twitter and Facebook, great platforms for the person who is more introverted by nature. Social media is an "introverts" paradise."

This article mainly caught my eye because I've always considered myself to be an introvert. But on the other hand, I would consider myself to be an extrovert in some situations. Generally, I'm a shy person who is really uncomfortable approaching strangers and it takes me a while to warm up to people. However, I also enjoy socializing, meeting new people and having conversations. Which side of me predominates really depends on the dynamics and circumstances of each individual situation. I cannot be around people all the time (I have to have alone time and some social situations give me major anxiety) but I also can't be alone all the time either (I start to go stir-crazy if I don't socialize for a while and I love just being "out" with people where things are happening).

I know this is a complete contradiction but I'm willing to bet that the majority of people are this way, i.e. a mixture of intro and extroversion.

The thing that really gets me is that being introverted in our society is sort of seen as a negative thing. As Alan says above, "The classic myth is introverts are not as good with people, as extroverts are", and as someone who has been  classified as "introverted" pretty much her entire life, this stereotype is frustrating. (this post sort of relates to this one, where I discuss my Myers-Briggs personality type).

In our society, introversion is generally associated with anti-socialness (or at least poor social skills), being uptight and conservative, risk-averse, and agoraphobic, whereas extroversion is associated with being fun, talkative, adventurous and charismatic. For some reason, if you have a quieter personality and are a listener or thinker rather than a talker, than you are seen as wierd, mysterious, or as an outsider. Someone who doesn't like people and isn't open to new ideas and experiences. Just try Googling "introvert" and check out the image results (lets just say many of them are depressing).

I have struggled with shyness and self-consciousness my entire life, and I still struggle with it. I've come a long way and I become more and more ok with it as I get older but this is probably something I will always have with me. I'm becoming more and more ok with the fact that it's part of who I am but I can't lie, it's frustrating not being one of those people who (seemingly) feels comfortable talking to anyone about anything.

Much of the frustration that comes from being a "quiet" person stems not so much from wanting to change this about myself but from the judgments that people make because of it. I've had so many people assume that I just don't like people, that I have nothing important to say, that I'm a "goody-goody" who is timid and weak and obviously those things are completely off-base. I have had people even assume that shyness is something that I chose, that I can just snap my fingers and magically be outgoing all the time. Trust me, if it were that easy I would have done it by now. I do agree that my shyness is something I can work on overcoming by putting myself outside my comfort zone (and I try to do that as much as possible), but it's a lot easier said than done.

I just think there is something to be said for being quiet at times. I think there is something to be said for holding some things back, for thinking and listening before talking, for observing rather than interacting, for taking time to recharge and reflect, for having fewer, closer friends rather than a humongous social circle. It doesn't mean I won't chew you out or stand up for myself/loved ones if I feel the need. And you might find this hard to believe, but I actually love going on adventures, having opinionated heated debates, and I've partied too hard many times (hey I've got "skydiving" on my "30 B4 30" list, ok?)

I'm sorry if this sounds sort of "rant-y" as I didn't intend it to be. I'm not trying to get on a soap-box here and rant about how no one understands me. I just wanted to say that (as a traditionally "introverted" person) I have had many people make assumptions about me based on that alone. I may be an introvert, but that's not all I am. And extroverts are much more than their general personalities, too. Human beings are extremely complex creatures and it's not as simple as sticking a label on someone's shoulder and calling it a day.
In any case, regardless of what categories you do or don't fit into, it's not about the cards you are dealt it's how you play them.

Just remember, in games of chance (like life) it is often the quiet, unassuming ones you have to watch out for! (mwahaha) *wink*

Grab that cash with both hands, and make a stash

I hate money. And I don't really understand it.

Well, I think what I don't really understand is how people use it.

I've noticed a trend in the blogosphere along these lines lately. There are many bloggers that I follow who seem to have an endless supply of money. I say "seem" to because I really have no idea if they actually do have an endless supply of money, and in fact, most of these people are ones I'd assume would NOT have such a thing.

Yet, here they are, discussing the new clothes, house, pet, car, computer, ipad, or whatever they have just bought. Some of them seem to be out shopping and buying hundreds of dollars of new things EACH WEEK.

If they are not talking about buying "things", they are taking trips to faraway places (seemingly) every few months - jetting off to New York for fashion week, jetting to San Fransisco to visit a friend, taking shopping trips to Paris (then proceeding to post all their purchases from Louis Vuitton in enviable photo montages).

It just makes me wonder - WHERE DO THEY GET THE MONEY FOR THIS?! I certainly can't afford to jet off wherever I want on a trip once a year or buy new clothes and electronics every week. Mind you, I'm working a temp's wage right now but that's not even the point (there are certainly enough examples in the world of people who are living the lives they want, while on a tight budget).

How am I SO different from these people? Do they just make enough money that they have enough disposable income to buy these extra things? Are they spending money they don't have? Do they get "income boosts" from other sources (i.e. spouse, parents, inheritance, small side-business, etc)? I'm sure depending on the person, it could be any of the above, and if it is, I can more clearly see how they are able to spend money every other week on new stuff.

But, with some of them you have to wonder - I still can't help thinking to myself, "this person is a blogger/employee at a non-profit/insert other non-well-paying job here...how can they realistically have that much to spend?". I mean, these people must all have bills, same as me! They must have rent/mortgage to pay, just like me!

Am I just horrible at budgeting? Am I just more financially irresponsible than these people? I somehow doubt it; I'm certainly not the Queen of Budgeting but for the most part I'm financially responsible and careful about where my money goes (even more so since dealing with a huge pay cut the past 3 or so months). And, everyone knows that in our "credit-hog" culture it is all too easy to spend money without thinking about it or dealing with the consequences. But I still don't understand how it's possible sometimes. And there is just something that irks me about seeing post after post of "look at all the beautiful, expensive designer things I own and how cool they make me look".

I should say that I realize it's not any of my business how other people spend their money, and I want to make it clear that if you earn your money in an honourable way and you want to reward yourself once in a while, that is totally and completely understandable. I'm not knocking anyone for buying themselves things. Trust me, if I had more disposable income I would be doing the same thing! I also realize it's a no-brainer that what we see from the outside looking in on a person's life is nowhere near the whole story. Many of these people probably ARE spending more than they should and are in dire financial straights.

So, maybe I'm just jealous or being too critical or something, I dunno. I'm probably being too harsh because I wish I didn't have to stress about money so much. I'm sure most of these people I'm wailing on are just resourceful and good at saving money, and I should just get better at it. But I just can't help but wonder if I missed the memo.

Am I totally alone here? Has anyone else noticed this trend in blogs or IRL? Do you sometimes wonder how others do it?

Oh, I wish that we could stop this d-i-v-o-r-c-e

Ok, I know this is kind of a wierd photo and I debated posting it, but I just had to show - is this cake not disturbing?! I mean, I'm all for finding humour in a crappy situation, but methinks this might be pushing it a tad far? Thoughts?

Ok, I know I've been blabbing on about marriage a lot lately. I swear to god I'm not obsessed with it, it's just an issue that I find interesting, especially in these times. Also, since I'm a child of divorce I have a unique, albeit cynical, perspective on it.

That's right, I come from a broken home. Poor me.

I'm kidding of course. To be honest, knowing what I know now, my parents getting divorced was (take a deep breath) THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. And to my mom. I firmly believe I wouldn't be half as mature, independent, and close to my mom as I am now if my parents stayed together.

That being said, divorce is never something I would wish on anyone because it can be an extremely confusing, conflicting and traumatizing, especially for the children involved. An extremely disruptive life event like a divorce can have lasting effects that people try to alleviate by hopping from couch to couch or bed to bed.

Divorce effing sucks.

Which is why, even though I have a rather cynical, untraditional viewpoint on marriage and part of me is grateful I went through one, it really saddens me whenever I hear of couples divorcing. Especially couples that have kids and that have been together for decades.

It even saddens me when I hear that it's happened to people I've never met, never will meet, and generally speaking, don't give a crap about. For example, recent celeb break-ups that have shocked me include Courtney Cox and David Arquette, Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman, and Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins (though I don't think they were actually married, but they were together for 20-some years, so it's basically the same thing). It sounds dumb that I would be shocked and saddened over some dumb celebs relationships breaking up, but I can't help it!

My initial reaction is honestly one of disappointment because, in the words of (my future husband) Tim Gunn they just seemed to "make it work"! I mean, what happened?! You were together for half your lives! You have kids together! Why, god, why?!

Then my initial disappointment turns (as most things in my mind do once they've percolated through my brain for a bit) to cynicism. I was thinking about it today, in fact, and the first conclusion I came to was something like, "well, celebrities have it soooo easy when it comes to divorce!". I mean, think about it: they have enough money that they can get the paperwork done practically overnight, even if their ex-spouse takes them for everything they have they still have more money than I'll probably make in my lifetime, and the kids would have been messed up anyway with that kind of upbringing so might as well get the dysfunction over with! And I feel a bit bad saying this, but part of me feels like a lot of people get divorced because it's an "easy way out", and they can avoid actually sitting face to face and DEALING with their problems.

This really got a train of thought going, though - are break-ups really easier for celebrities than for regular Joe's like you and me? There is definitely a voice inside that screams out "yes" mainly due to the compelling financial argument (I don't care what anyone says, having a lot of money makes a lot of things easier). And given their hectic, ego-driven lives, it seems likely they would rather get their hair highlighted and go tanning than talk and work through adult issues.

However, (at the risk of going all Dr. Phil-osophical on you) say what you will about celebrities but they are still human (well most of them). They still have feelings, fears, insecurities, and emotional baggage. They can still have their hearts broken. Trust me, I'm normally the LAST person to ever sympathize with a celebrity or defend them, but I can't help but feel sorry for some of them sometimes (obviously excluding those sociopaths that get married and divorced merely for publicity), especially when I picture me dealing with the pain and upheaval of my parents' divorce completely in the public eye.

No, thank you.

The fact is, divorce sucks no matter who you are. Chances are having the money to hire the best lawyer in the country probably wouldn't have helped my mom make my dad pay child support and other money he legally owed her. Chances are it wouldn't have saved her years of in-an-out court battles. Chances are my dad would have still drank his life away even if he was a celebrity, and frankly he probably would have done it faster. Chances are I would still have the "issues" with men that have roots in the absence of a male role model in my life, the only difference being I might have just partied them away until I burned out.

Then again, with a bank account similar to Christina Aguilera's my mom could have hired a hitman to take out the trash then escape to a life of anonymity a remote South Pacific island and been done with it.

That would have been a nice advantage.

*I KNEW there had to be a song about divorce!! And a country song - shocker!! See, there's always a silver lining with me*

Falling in Love (is hard on the knees)

I was reading this post on one of my favourite blogs today (as I often do...well, if you call every day often), writing a comment in agreement with her post, and I realize I had an opinion I wanted to run with (again as I often do). So...well, I suppose it would be easier for me if I just showed you rather than told you - here's my comment (you may wanna also read the post linked above so that you get the gist of the issue being discussed):

I totally agree with all your points above! I’m going to be 26 in December and I’m single and NOWHERE CLOSE to getting married anytime soon. I live in my own place and have for over 1 year and a half, and seriously (though it sucks being broke a lot of the time) it was one of the best decisions ever. And this is coming from someone who FIRST moved out with her bf of only 8 mths when neither of them had ever lived on their own. BAD IDEA!! As you can imagine, we only lasted another 5 or 6 mths after that, but the good news is we’re now good friends and I got the chance to live totally on my own and I’ve grown so much. I was always a mature person, but I’ve matured even more and realized just how tough and perserverant I am. It’s been much easier to “find myself” without someone else “distracting” me…..hmm you know what?! This has my brain going, I’m going to do a whole post on this!! haha xo *

*(And AGAIN as I often do, I wrote a novel when a 3 sentence comment would do)

As promised, I'm going to continue my comment in this post. I feel like talking about this issue is a bit like beating a dead horse (I've discussed this issue before on my blog and other issues similar to it), but I also think there's a reason for that. This is an issue that I'm constantly confronted with at this stage in my life and it frustrates me.

I'm just going to come right out with it...

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY in the 21st-century do young women STILL place so much importance on getting married?! On having a wedding?! I. Don't. Get. It.

Now before you jump down my throat, I'm not saying getting married or having a wedding is a BAD thing. In fact, I love weddings - they can be really fun, romantic and elegant events and I think if you've found someone you are committed to loving for life that it's wonderful to celebrate that with your loved ones.

However, I don't think getting married or having a wedding is something that someone HAS to do.
I don't think it's something that should be rushed into.
I don't think it's something that one should pay the equivalent of the GDP of CHINA for.
I don't think you should revolve your entire wedding around other people and what they feel is best.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that wedding marketing as a whole is primarily targeted to women. NOT to couples. Women. Of course, part of the reason for this is that the brides traditionally manage the majority of the wedding planning. However, I also feel it's because women just care about weddings more.

And why not?! You get to be a princess for a day, you get to be the centre of attention and of a large circle of love and admiration, you get to dress up more elegantly than you ever have before.

But in the end it's just a wedding. It's one day of your life. I'm not saying it's not an important day, but it's not THE MOST important. People seem to forget that the wedding is over pretty quick and that you have a lifetime (if all works out) to look forward to afterwards. I mean what's more important, one perfect day or a hundred thousand great ones (with a few shitty ones thrown in for good measure - c'est le vie, non')?

Anyway, I want to make it very clear that I'm not wedding or bride bashing here. I'm just trying to provide some perspective because (as I mentioned) it seems to me that lately I'm surrounded by "wedding talk" in various forms. And by lately I mean pretty much ever since I turned 24. Perhaps it's just me, but I doubt it. I've talked to others my age (both attached and not) and I'm not alone in my opinions.

When it comes right down to it, my motto is "to each his (or her) own". I just know that a wedding (and a marriage) is not necessarily something I want. I'm not saying it's something I DON'T want. I'm just not sure. And I guess I'm just not in any rush. I realize I am single and "haven't met the right person" (as people keep telling me) but even if I had, I feel that it wouldn't matter because this is a time of self-discovery. I'm enjoying being on my own because it's allowing me to connect to the person that (ultimately) I'm truly stuck with for life -  ME! I feel like I'm still figuring myself out, what I want, what I don't want, where I want to be in 5 or 10 years, settling into the perfect career for me, etc. In other words, I'M LIVING, or trying to. I don't know that I want a wedding because I don't know what I want in life!

This is a time for commitment to me, as cheesy as that sounds. Do I want to settle down eventually? Well, of course I do. Of course I want to find a special person who "gets" me and that I "get", that respects me and encourages me, and who makes me a better person. I want to build a life with someone and have a companion to talk to and build a portfolio of experiences with. I'm human, and ALL humans want this.

But, when it comes right down to it, I don't need a piece of paper with some signatures on it and an overpriced buffet dinner to prove that I love someone and want to commit to them forever. I can just tell them this myself (and him to me) and save a lot of money and stress (did I mention save money?). Also, I guess it's not about not wanting a wedding, it's about wanting a wedding that is "me", and that means "non-traditional".

Gah, who knows?! I'm a cynic, I'm the first one to admit that, so perhaps I just need to lighten up.

Seriously though, to all of you past brides and brides-to-be out there, to all of you who are currently swooning over invitations and seating plans or have in the past, to all of you who have found the person you believe to be "the one", I just want to say this: Congratulations. I'm happy for you. Enjoy. You are very lucky.

But if one more of you looks at me with a pouty face and says "aw, don't worry, you'll find someone too" (or something similar) I swear to God I will slap that pretty white tulle off your head so fast it'll make your head spin straight into your Silver Anniversary party.

(Please don't hurt me, ladies)

Time Warp

So I was in the dollar store the other day (don't judge me - I KNOW you shop there, too! Besides, this was Dollarama which is the Marks & Spencer of dollar stores, so that makes it ok). I was nonchalantly browsing for items to vastly improve my karma when all of a sudden I was confronted with three vibrant columns of bright orange, with some black and purple accents. Spider, pumpkin and cobweb shapes danced in front of my wondering eyes. It took me a moment to process as I did not recall ever seeing such a thing before.

Because, of course, orange and black and cobwebs can only mean one thing...fruit that's been sitting on the counter waaaaay too long?! NO! HALLOWEEN!!  Yes, that's right, Halloween merchandise is now on the shelves...IN JULY!

Ummm, hello Dollarama-merchies-on-high?! Halloween is in OCTOBER, in case you forgot.

I mean I realize the people that make the decisions for a store chain like Dollarama probably aren't the sharpest tools in the shed (all the more proof that you don't have to be smart to become a freakin millionaire). I also realize that stores get shipped holiday merch months ahead of time so that they can have any chance of selling it off, and that sometimes they have empty space that they need to fill (especially during the slow hump time of mid-summer...hm, slow hump, that conjures quite the image). I have worked in retail and I currently work for a retail company - I understand how businesses work. I also understand shopping quite well since I do so much of it, and as such I realize that just because this stuff is IN stores doesn't mean I have to buy it, or even look at it, and I completely see the value of shopping early to avoid the rush and sifting through picked over crap.

However, it's the principle of the thing that bothers me. I think there's such a thing as TOO early. I mean, seriously, Halloween in July?! What the eff?!

Seeing this crap in the middle of summer reminds me of the darker, colder days to come and that's one reminder I just don't need. Summer is a time I especially like to enjoy the here and now - since I live in a country where winter is bloody cold and lasts most of the year and I am a huge sun-worshipper but can't afford to move somewhere that's warm all the time without a sugar daddy. I very much look forward to the four-or-so months that it's sunny and warm. I love going to the beach, wearing sandals and cute summer dresses, eating popsicles, laying in the sun and soaking up Vitamin D, and other such enjoyable warm-weather activities. And I've got news for you California - unlike you we only get to do this for a very short time before we have to start layering and shivering again. Four months goes by in the blink of an eye (especially when you spend most of it inside an office). Hey, it's already almost August and I feel like summer just started last week!

Given this reality, I wish to make the most of summer while we have it. And that means I DON'T WANT TO BE REMINDED OF THE SEASONS THAT AREN'T HOT AND SUNNY (that is to say the entire rest of the year) IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER!!

I've also noticed Fall clothing popping up in stores, school supplies in WalMart (yes, I shop at WM too! That's right, keepin it classy since '84), not to mention bloggers and tweeters et al talking about how they can't wait to get into Fall knits and tweeds! Speak for yourself, people - I'd be quite happy to wear shorts and sandals all year 'round and I'd appreciate it if you didn't ruin my summer lovin' with thoughts of heavy sweaters and jackets.

I feel this is a phenomenon that permeates our entire society, and one that completely baffles me. It's always about the NEXT season, the NEXT holiday; never about the here and now and savouring that. It seems like every year the NEXT thing comes out earlier and earlier. Christmas merch used to be out just after Halloween ended - now we are seeing it out as early as September or October. Easter candy is now coming out before Valentine's Day. It's like we live in this strange time continuum where every year time speeds up and months seem to completely disappear from the calendar.

This phenom can't even reasonably be blamed completely on retailers - they are just giving us what we want to buy - which means that this time warp is happening because we, the people, are making it happen (well not ME, but all you crazies who are actually thinking about Christmas at the cottage). And WHY are we demanding this? Do we just want to get things done earlier and earlier to avoid stress and effort later? I can sympathize with that, but think about it: is your life really going to be that much easier if you buy your Christmas lights on Labour Day weekend? Are you really getting better Halloween candy if you buy it on Natal Day as opposed to, say, a month ahead?

The answer is NO. Chances are you are still going to be stressed and rushing to get all your shopping and wrapping and baking done in time for Dec 24th because (in keeping with another human phenomenon - that, in a strange irony that only human beings could live up to, is the exact reverse to the one I'm discussing while also operating hand-in-hand with it) you will likely STILL leave many things until the last minute. And, chances are you are buying the EXACT same lights and decorations and food three months ahead that you would be buying one month ahead (though obviously prices could vary). The only difference is you have to find space to store all of this stuff until the holiday actually comes, which means you don't get to enjoy it right away and (if you are anything like my mother) will most likely forget you ever bought it in the first place.

Holidays have become FAR too commercialized anyway, but that's another blog post and this one's already long enough.

Let me be clear: I'm certainly not advocating that we never plan ahead and just let life come to us as it will. TRUST ME, I'm one of the biggest planners out there - ask anyone who knows me well and they will tell you that I'm always looking ahead and anticipating. I'm also not advocating against buying holiday merchandise - I for one LOVE holidays, especially Halloween and Christmas, and really enjoy decorating for them. All I'm saying is that we don't need to cross that bridge until we come to it, as my mom often says. Let's plan ahead, but not so far that our present is forgotten and wasted.

So, I have an idea: lets enjoy summer while we have it. Lets enjoy the sunshine and the flowers and the green grass and the ice cream, and lets wait another month or two before thinking about Fall and Winter. Or think about Fall and Winter if you want to, but keep it to yourself and let me enjoy what's left of my summer, thanks.

Jagged Little Pill

One of my favourite blogs posted a link today to a great jewelry company called Cast of Vices. The items inspired by pharmaceutical products particularly caught my eye, including this one:

The Cast of Vices website states the following: "Born out of a desire to create artifacts out of our vices, Cast of Vices celebrates the inherent design asthetic of these substances while casting a critical eye on pop culture and our obsession with self-medication and addiction."

I was immediately struck with the fascinating uniqueness of their pieces, and my interest was piqued even further after reading this mission statement. Obviously, since I work for a retail pharmacy company and there is a history of pharmaceuticals in my family (as in employment, not injestion; my mother works in clinical research and my grandfather, her father, was a pharmacist way back when), I find anything related to this field interesting on some level. I can relate to it. Also, I'm attracted to things I've never seen before, everyday things reimagined in new and interesting ways; ways that push the envelope or the level of the status quo a little bit.

Both parts of the statement above speak to me in different ways: for one, I had never thought before about the "inherent design asthetic" of pharmaceutical products, but once I read that statement and thought about it, I realized how true it is! Picture a pill - just your average capsule or tablet - and you will realize how pleasing to the eye the shape is; they are smooth, geometric, sometimes have graphic design on top of them or come in bright, vibrant colours; they come in every shape and size you could think of. This could be pushing it a little, but in a way they are like mini pieces of art. And considering your average pharmacy fills hundreds of prescriptions a day, it's mind-boggling how many of them are out there at any given time, and in the possession of many different types of people. Not just mini art pieces, but mini art pieces for the masses!

This statement struck me on another level with the statement referring to "our obsession with self-medication and addiction". This is a harsh-but-true statement about society today. Since, essentially, I work for pharmacists, you would think that I would be all for giving medications, and many of them, to everyone all the time but alas it's the opposite. Obviously I'm not AGAINST medications - sometimes they are needed, and some of them have resulted in great strides in the management and control of certain disorders and sicknesses; they have made millions of people feel better and lead more productive lives, and continue to every day. Trust me, I have gladly and thankfully consumed my share of medications when really sick or in pain! However, I do feel that our tendency in dealing with medical problems is to "throw a pill at it", i.e. write a prescription, or take a medication of some kind over-the-counter as a knee-jerk reaction, sometimes without really thinking about whether or not it's the best way to go.

Nowadays, there is such a huge industry built up around medications it is almost impossible to point a finger of blame in any one direction - each and every one of us perpetuates it in a way. Now, if I were to place pharmacists on the "blame scale" for this issue, I would honestly place them somewhere near the bottom, which I obviously realize is biased since I work with them, but the fact is I do have first-hand knowledge of the work they do every day to assist patients with their medications. Not that other medical professionals don't help patients as much, but lets be honest here, pharmacists are merely filling the scripts given to them/the patient by doctors. Something to think about.

Anyway, regardless of whose at fault, it's a problem that won't be going away anytime soon because too many are making too much money from it, which is rather sad.

I could go on and on about this issue, including the (known, yet overlooked) corruptive activities that go on behind closed doors between pharmaceutical companies and medical professionals, but I don't want to go off on a rant from atop my high horse. I merely thought it was interesting that a company like Cast of Vices is addressing such an important and timely issue in society in their own unique (and slightly subversive) way. All I will say is that when I get sick, unless I absolutely need a pill to get better, I prefer to not take one. In most cases of illness (obviously of the non-chronic and/or serious variety), rest and fluids, and perhaps a few doses of an anti-imflammatory such as Acetaminophen or Ibuprofen, will make you as good as new in no time. Sure, throwing a narcotic at it might help too, but that may not necessarily be the best solution.

My grandmother takes a whole load of pills, and most of them she has no idea what they are or what they are for. She takes them because she was told to. How many of your medications do YOU really need?

Aside from this bitter diatribe, I totally want to buy this bracelet! It would certainly be a hit in my office, I imagine! (or Mother's Day??)

Getting to Know You, Getting to Know All About You (and Me!)

I'm shamelessly stealing these questions from a quiz post by Carly (who is growing to become one of my fav bloggers) because I thought they were fun. It's always nice to learn little obscure things about other people and to think about them in terms of yourself.

Chances are everyone knows the obvious about you - what's your favourite colour, where do you work, what's your favourite movie, blah blah blah. The likes and dislikes and habits that lie a little underneath the surface are not as easily revealed and much more interesting! I actually find that just the WAY different people answer different questions can be very revealing about who they are and what makes them unique, so I'd love to hear other responses! Feel free to pass on in your own post, or comment with your answers! Some of the questions are silly but that's part of the fun
*Warning this is really long, even for one of my posts*

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:30am (in the pitch dark, ugh. Damn you, daylight savings)

2. How do you like your steak? I actually am not a steak fan. I'll eat it if it's being served to me and there are no other choices but I would never order one or cook one for myself. Not a big meat eater at all actually, aside from chicken and fish. Reading up on becoming a vegetarian in fact.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Alice in Wonderland - loved it! What a unique twist on the story!

4. What is your favorite TV show? Oh gosh so many - Dexter, Sex and the City, Friends is my favourite of all time (can quote pretty much every episode from the first 6 seasons, some of them are just hilarious), True Blood, Grey's Anatomy, recently gotten into Republic of Doyle (set and filmed in Newfie-land) and Glee.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Again, too many to name - Vancouver, London England, somewhere warm and tropical.

6. What did you have for breakfast? Bagel with smoked salmon cream cheese (mmmmm *drool*)

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Gah, again with the hard questions! I love all food but favs are Greek/Lebanese/Turkish (mediterranean food in general I guess), Italian. Fav dish of all time is good ol' mac n' cheese and anything chocolate (natch - I'm a big health nut *rolls eyes*).

8. What foods do you dislike? Olives, onions (in some things), anything super-duper spicey (as you can see it's a very short and vague list).

9. Favorite Place to eat? Brooklyn Warehouse, It's All Greek to Me, Saege, Il Mercato, The Old Triangle 

10. Favorite dressing? Pretty much like all them but had a Mandarin Orange one recently that was good, and I also like poppyseed and raspberry vinegrette.

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? Alas, I don't own a car and must brave the Halifax public transit system. I manage to escape with my life most days though some are close calls. I have this slightly impractical and kooky idea of getting a Vespa one of these days! Perhaps in the next year?!

12. What are your favorite clothes? Bright graphic tees, scarves, cute sneakers (not for work of course), coloured tights, leggings. If I could wear flip flops every day of the year I totally would.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Anywhere and everywhere! Seriously. I would travel anywhere if I had the time or money. Some places that are top of mind right now though are California, Thailand and Australia/New Zealand.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Ask me in an hour or so, I'm sure it will have changed by then ;)

15. Where would you want to retire? Hmm that's a long way away but somewhere warm and sunny with lots of cultural activities and great restaurants (sensing a theme with the warm weather references? Read: I hate the cold/winter).
16. Favorite time of day? When I get to my office first thing in the morning and it's quiet and the whole day stretches before me.

17. Where were you born? New Westminster, British Columbia

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Never watch sports - will go to the occasional game/match whatever if invited though as the energy at events can be infectious and invigorating. Though I'll only know maybe .1% of what's going on.

19. Bird watcher? Nope. Unless they are doing something odd or funny.

20. Are you a morning person or a night person? Hmm this is a toughie - I'm a morning person because I hate wasting away half the day in bed and I don't like to be up late if I have to get up early the next day (less than 6hrs of sleep makes Kim a dull girl) but I'm a night person in that I usually function better in the evening and don't like going to bed too early. So, I guess both?!

21. Do you have any pets? I have a chubby, 14 yr old cat whom I love dearly even though she's a cranky old lady underneath all her fur and flub.

22. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? I've recently met someone that I'm excited about :) That's all I'm sayin lol.

23. What did you want to be when you were little? Ok it's basically impossible for me to answer any of these questions in a concise way. Veterinarian, animator (I had a phase where I wanted to be a Disney "Imagineer"), fashion designer, stylist/fashion show producer, etc.

24. Are you a cat or dog person? Cat person, but I love all animals. I've always had cats so they hold a special place in my heart, plus they are very low maintenance pets but I would get a dog someday when I have a yard and the time to walk it.

25. What was your last drink? Coffee - sweet nectar of the gods.

26. Always wear your seat belt? Of course!

27. Been in a car accident? Got rear-ended before - wouldn't say it was an accident so much as an act of stupidity on the part of the other driver - but close enough.

28. Any pet peeves? Again, how much time do you have? (wow I'm learning a lot about myself in the process of this quiz). Close-mindedness, spitting, not signalling, loud obnoxiousness, narcissism, littering, etc.

29. Favorite Pizza Toppings? I like hawaiian pizza, also chicken, tomato.

30. Favorite Flower? Daisies are the "friendliest flower" (I'm in agreement with Meg Ryan), but I also love lilies (anything bright and vibrant and tropical).

31. Favorite ice cream? Not a huge ice cream fan, but get a craving once in a while. Anything really chunky with peanut butter and chocolate in some combo is great.

32. Favorite fast food restaurant? Not a huge fast food person but probably Tim Hortons or Subway.

33. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Once - but it wasn't my fault! My examiner was a jerk!

34. From whom did you get your last email? The instructor for my Photoshop class.

35. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Oh another toughie since I love shopping so much. Probably H&M or Winners. Or there's this awesome chain in England called Primark that would be tempting.

36. Do anything spontaneous lately? Went out for dinner with my two best friends on Monday - was sort of spontaneous as it was only suggested a few hours before. I was expecting to go right home after work so it was a nice surprise.

37. Like your job? I have always liked it, but wasn't sure I LOVED it, but lately I'm realizing that I do, in fact, love it (kind of depressing since I have to leave it in a few months :(

38. Broccoli? Ummmmm, cheese?

39. What was your favorite vacation? Trip to St Lucia with my mom in 2008 was pretty awesome.

40. Last person you went out to dinner with? Mark. May or may not be the person referred to in #22 (tee hee).

41. What are you listening to right now? The silence of the office punctuated with the tapping of my keyboard and my music (SXSW channel on Accuradio!) playing quietly in the background.

42. What is your favorite color? Yellow!

43. How many tattoos do you have? Four, though honestly one of them I'm not the most proud of now (got it when I was 18 and had an attitude problem).

44. What time is it? 10:33am - man, time flies when you're procrastinating.

46. Coffee ?? Yes please!!

The Shape of Things

Why, in the name of god and all that is holy, do we live in a society that so demonizes fat, eating and curvy body shapes?! Why, also in god's name, do we keep having the same lip service paid to this issue over and over again without any changes actually being made? When are we going to see women with real bodies on the covers of magazines, and because it's the norm, not to give the illusion of morality?

I asked myself these questions after seeing the latest cover of Vogue magazine (April 2010). It's the annual "Shape" issue as they call it, or as I like to call it "the issue where we pretend to be inclusive and accepting of all body types, but then use a girl who's a size 4 as an example of a "curvy" body." Or something like that.

DISLIKE.

The Shape Issue always features 5 or 6 women of "different shapes" - tall, short, thin, curvy, and pregnant. This sounds like a great idea in theory; so refreshing. But the fact is, the short women featured are not always that short and the curvy ones are never that curvy. Curvy to Vogue is anything larger than a size 4 and short to Vogue is anything shorter than 5 ft 7 (uh, hello, if you think that's short you should jump into my stubby pantlegs and try out 5 ft nothing for a day!). Heck, just a couple of months ago the magazine had a story regarding a new, hot model Lara Stone who, AT A SIZE 4, is considered by many in the fashion biz as "fat". I don't know anyone who would think size 4 is fat. For most women I know, fitting into a size 4 is a pipe dream. And, hello, Gisele is wearing booty shorts and a skin-tight, body-suit top on the cover?! That's not "fashion to flatter every figure", that's fashion to flatter .2% of every figure.

Now, this being said, I do read Vogue every month religiously. I read it because I think it's beautifully presented, culturally relevant and features very well-written, insightful articles by great writers. It's an escape of sorts. However, it doesn't mean that I approve of the standards that such magazines uphold. There's no denying the fact that all of the women within its pages are tall and thin with nary a wrinkle or fat layer in sight. Yet, look outside the pages, at the real tangible people all around you, and how many tall and thin and perfect men and women do you see? I'm guessing you could count the number that you see in one day on one hand (maybe only one finger if you're in the suburbs or a Wal-Mart*).
*one finger may be slightly generous in this case

Sure, as I mentioned, the magazine is beautiful to look at and when it comes right down to it, that's sort of it's purpose. But there's also something sickeningly fake about selling page after page of people who are airbrushed of any character.

Sure, this issue has moved more to the forefront than ever in recent years, and many within the industry, such as supermodel Coco Rocha and some designers, have spoken out about it. Rules have been put in place regarding the health and weight of model's, and celebrities like Beth Ditto and Beyonce with a little meat on their bones have been celebrated as cultural icons, thanks partially to their curvy shapes. I hate to even add my two cents into the fray because it's almost tired now; "old news". But it's just so frustrating. And in spite of all the hype, nothing has changed. Magazines have been taken to the cleaners over this issue, yet there they sit on the newsstand with vacuous, slim models staring out in short shorts, mini-skirts and bikinis, singing their siren song to bystanders, filling them with self-consciousness.

Everything changes, and yet nothing changes, all at the same time.

I'd be lying if I said I love my body; frankly, some days I downright hate it. But for the most part I'm happy with myself and I prefer to have a few curves. Most of the guys and girls I know prefer this as well. I like food, and though I try my best to keep healthy, I'm not going to deprive myself or feel guilty about something that should be a pleasure in life. If I wanna eat a brownie or a handful of mini-eggs then I will.

Luckily I'm realistic and self-confident enough to realize that I don't need or want to hurt myself in order to look like the models in these magazines. But the fact is there are millions of girls that do (and guys, but lets be honest, girls are the ones who bear the brunt of this) and that makes me sad. It makes me sad that we live in a society that promotes such unrealistic ideals, fully KNOWING the damage that it causes.

Maybe someday seeing Size 12 or 14 women on the covers of magazines will be the norm.

Yeah. And maybe I'll wake up tomorrow looking like Gisele.

Love Stinks (yeah, yeah)

I've been thinking a lot about love and relationships lately. Of course this is mainly thanks to the fact that Valentine's Day is this weekend and therefore I've been inundated everywhere with pink and red and flowers and hearts and candy and sex positions and my boyfriend this and my fiance that for the past two weeks, with the pitch growing ever more feverish the closer that Sunday approaches.

This time of year has always intrigued me, but I can't say I've ever liked it overly much. I realize I'm a cynical single at the moment (I'm the first to admit it) but even when I was attached I didn't like it overly much. Some people are those romantic, head in the clouds, kittens and bubbles, true love seekers and some...well, aren't. I can definitively say that I fall into the latter camp.

Not that I don't believe in love and romance, I just feel that I have a more realistic viewpoint (some would say "pessimistic" but I prefer to use the afore-mentioned euphemism) about life, in that it doesn't turn out like a romantic comedy, oh, 99.99% of the time. In this case, I feel it's silly to put one's expectations or wrap one's entire life-experience into finding and keeping love as it's most likely not going to turn out how you want it to.

Ok, maybe I am a bit of a pessimist. But I don't necessarily see anything wrong with that! And again, it's not that I'm against romance. I DO have a romantic side deep down in there underneath all the Chandler-ese (I'm not dead inside!). In fact, hidden under the cynicism and fierce independence there is a lonely person yearning for affection and companionship (deep, deep down there, mind you). It's the cheesy romance stuff I don't like - I'm more partial to small, personal, thoughtful gestures than fuzzy teddy bears and gushy cards. It's the silly, everyday things that I think are romantic - getting flowers at work, coming home and finding dinner ready for me or the house really clean, him bringing home my favourite snack or movie just because. These are the things that make my heart flutter (so sue me).

I also don't feel that there should be such a focus on these cheesy, over-the-top, manufactured and copied gestures ONCE a year. Couples (and heck, everyone) should focus on doing small things for each other on a regular basis - I feel that this not only more meaningful but it's a really big part of what keeps a relationship going.

I'm not trying to get up on a high horse here, this is just my opinion. I'm sure some of this cynicism towards this holiday comes from the fact that I'm single and don't have a special someone to spend it with. If nothing else, there is a part of me that enjoys seeing the focus on love that this time of year brings, even if I'm not on the receiving end of any romantic gestures. After all, there's nothing wrong with the idea behind it all - that of spreading and proclaiming love in some way, shape or form to the people we care about in our lives (not JUST significant others). We don't have nearly enough love in the world, so it's nice to see. I personally plan on telling my family and friends that I love them this weekend and I think everyone else should too.

This all being said, even though I'm very comfortable and happy with my singleness (for the most part), it would be nice not to have that single-ness shoved in my face everywhere I turn. This shoving is at it's zenith this time of year and it's annoying. I will most likely spend Valentine's Day at home, in my pj's, unshowered, checking housekeeping items off my to-do list, eating take-out and talking to my cat (frankly, I'll be grateful to not be contending with the huge line-ups and shoulder-to-shoulder crowds at restaurants and movie theatres around town). So there, Hallmark. You can take that and shove it.

Copycat: 10 Places You Will Never Find Me

I'm totally playing copycat with today's post - stealing an idea from Rainy Saturday (http://rainysaturday.blogspot.com/2010/02/10-places-you-will-never-find-me.html). I just thought it was a fun idea...and let's be honest, I'm in one of those funky mindless moods where I can't think up anything cool on my own to write about so I have to be lazy and recycle.

1. At a church service - unless it's for a wedding or funeral (besides, I'm a heathen so they wouldn't want me there anyway).
2. On any kind of sports field, playing any kind of sport (I'm generally not a fan of making a total ass of myself, so it's best that I just stay away from this kind of thing altogether, Though watching others do this is "a-ok" in my book).
3. Frenchies or equivalent (I respect the whole re-use principle and the fact that you can save a ton of money, but I just prefer new clothes. I've given away tons of clothes so I take solace from the fact that I keep these places in business in my own way).
4. A chicken (or any kind of meat) factory or farm (I'm on the verge of being a vegetarian already so one of these places would just push me right over the edge...either that or just make me barf and/or faint. Just reading about what these places are like is enough to make me stay away and subsist on celery).
5. At the top of a skihill (you would think that I would say "skiing down a skihill" here, but you see you have to get to the top of the hill before you can come down, and I wouldn't even go that far. Went skiing once, in 8th grade, and have hated it ever since. Flying down big hills with nothing to hang onto or hold me up = terrifying).
6. On stage at a club or bar doing any kind of performance (unless copious amounts of alcohol and friends accompany me).
7. Northern Canada (see previous post - read: I HATE COLD AND SNOW).
8. The hospital (as long as I'm healthy of course; for some reason these just freak me out. Thankfully I haven't had to spend time in one since I was a baby except to visit other people).
9. A beauty pageant (lord knows I would never enter one nor have any friends that would enter one - not because they aren't beautiful but because they have better things to do - so no opportunity will ever present itself I imagine. DOUBLE this for kid's beauty pageants - those are just WRONG *shudder*)
10. Uniacke Square or equivalent (for those of you that live in or are familiar with Halifax, you know what I'm talking about).

I have since decided that I will put a bit of effort into forming my own ideas today and also present 10 Places You Will Be Sure To Find Me! (Work would really be the #1 place, as sad as that is, but I feel that goes without saying so I'm going to leave it off the list). Observe:

1. Clothing Stores (that would be any one really...well any one that sells clothing...so, yeah pretty much any one. Oh who am I kidding, any kind of women's store could fit here. Mmmm shoes...)
2. Starbucks, Second Cup, Perks, Tim's, etc, etc, etc (if they serve coffee, someday or another I will be there).
3. Chapters (I love to go wander here on Sundays, preferrably with a purchase from any #2)
4. Sobeys (specifically the North/Windsor store in Halifax - best! Is it sad that I like grocery shopping?!).
5. My mom's - bumming free food and/or laundry water.
6. The movie theatre (The Oxford if at all possible).
7. Choir practice (Every Tuesday night, bitches. I'm cool like that. Only time I'm ever in the place where church services take place {see #1 at the top of this post}).
8. The Internet! (blogging, facebooking, watching tv shows, cheezeburgering, generally wasting time and/or procrastinating).
9. Laying on the futon in my apartment with Nutty.
10. Eating at a Greek or Italian restaurant, bakery or pub.