Insane in the Membrane

Coincidence? I think not.

I have to be honest - I have been feeling anxious and stressed this past week or so. I'm not sure exactly why, but I think I can attribute it to various factors - generally speaking, I have been taking on a lot of new things, which is great and is something I love to do! But I think I spread myself a little too thin and exhausted my brain a bit.

Do you ever have phases like that? Where you feel mentally exhausted? I think we all do - really, it's a part of life - but it's important to pay attention to these times. Listen to what your body and mind are telling you - you will know in your gut if you are burned out and need to take a breather. I think my brain and body were giving me that message loud and clear Saturday night because I was up for hours just pacing restlessly, anxious and unable to sleep, with a sore throat and ear.

So, what did I do? I pulled out of a volunteer commitment that I made for early Sunday morning (I wasn't proud of this, but again, you have to listen to your body sometimes), slept in and spent the first part of the day just relaxing (i.e. watching a movie and laying down). I felt much better by the afternoon and definitely feel I was better equipped to tackle the week because of it.

If there is anything I have learned about myself as I've gotten older it is the importance of taking care of myself. I have discovered that - even though I am generally an active person who has to be "on-the-go" and have things to look forward to in order to be content - I am not someone who can go-go-go non-stop. I have to have balance in my life and I try to structure my time to ensure that I have this. Obviously this is sometimes easier said than done, but I try my best.

I have learned to place "quality" over "quantity" in terms of the activities I pursue in my life. What good is having 50 things on your plate if you only feel luke-warm about each one? Why not have 5 things that you feel really good about? Does that not make more sense? To me it does, but for some reason our culture (and I would say this is particularly a North American affliction) has this focus on doing MORE - like the more busy you are, the more productive you are, the more you contribute to society.  It's like we are all competing to have the fullest resume or the most experiences to brag about so we are pressured to just keep running on to the next thing.

There is this implication that if you take time for yourself and time to relax that you are somehow lazy or selfish, and I just don't get it. Taking time for yourself does not make you a bad person. If you sincerely feel you cannot follow through with something 100%, then it's ok to say so. Obviously I would never advocate making a habit of pulling out of commitments or dropping plans with friends at the last minute (that's just rude), but there is nothing wrong with putting yourself first once in a while.

If rushing around makes you happy then, by all means, do it! But it sure doesn't make me happy. It makes me stressed. I would love to be one of those people who can "do it all", never rest and seem ever-content, but I just can't. I am an anxious person by nature, so it takes conscious effort on my part to slow my brain down and "eat the elephant one bite at a time", as my mother says.

The thing with relieving stress is, it doesn't have to be a lot of work. There are a lot of small steps you can take to bring a little more balance, peace and calm into your life.

Here are some of the ways I like to relieve stress:

* Schedule at least one night per week to stay home and either relax or get things done around the house. Also, schedule at least one night per week for a social engagement - doing something fun with a friend, family member or the boy. If I have a day that I know will be rushed and busy, I try to keep the next day for relaxation and rest. This seems like a simple thing, but I think a lot of people forget that THEY are the ones that control their schedule - their schedule doesn't control them. It is your choice how much free time you have when it comes right down to it (obviously if you are a parent or have a high-profile job, this doesn't really apply to you, but free will still comes into it on some scale).

* Read a fashion magazine or book

* Sit outside and "people-watch"

* Cross something off my "to-do" list that I have procrastinated on for a while (it can sometimes take some extra motivation for this one, but if you can muster it up you will feel really good afterwards)

* Make something - a craft, paint or draw something, etc

* Go outside - a walk around the block, a hike, a road trip - something unstructured with no particular schedule or agenda except to move and take in the scenery

* Go see a movie I have been looking forward to, or watch one at home (some fav pick-me-up films: You've Got Mail, Julie & Julia, Juno, Yes Man, Kung Fu Panda). Or watch a fun tv show (some favs: Friends, Sex and the City, Glee, currently watching Season 1 of Angel with the boy-never seen it!-and enjoying it very much)

* Put music on and dance around my apartment

* Cuddle an animal

* Visit a funny and cute website and browse the videos and photos. These are a few of my current favourites (be careful - this could easily end up wasting several hours)

* Bake or a cook - this can be very therapeutic - especially if you are doing it for no other reason than to eat something tasty

* Write a blog post!

What I do to relieve stress really depends on my mood, the weather, and circumstances, of course, but these are a few things I try to incorporate into my week, every week. Everyone should have times where they don't HAVE to be anywhere or do anything, and they are not obligated to another person so that they can just enjoy their own company and renew their spirit and mind.

Obviously, different people need different amounts of stress-relief and "down-time" but I do think it's something that everyone needs at some point or another (a lot of people just don't realize just how much they need it).

What about you - what do you do to relieve stress or relax? Do you find that you like being constantly busy, or do you like to try your best to find balance like I do? Any stress-relief tips?

Back to Life, Back to Reality

Well, I'm back from vacation! Well, I was actually back yesterday but considering yesterday was a holiday in Canada and we had been driving since the previous morning, I was pretty zonked yesterday and not up for doing much of anything productive. Today is the 1st official day back to "real-life"...

I had a lovely vacation though! It was just so nice to get away, have a change of scenery and make our own schedule for a few days. This trip was an interesting one in many ways* - of course, the sights, sounds, tastes and smells of the places we visited were all interesting - but it was also a milestone of sorts because it was the first extended trip that the boy and I took together.

I always say that if you really want to get to know someone and learn whether or not you are truly compatible with each other, you should take a trip with them. When traveling, you can see sides of a person that you might never see interacting with them on a day-to-day basis. You could know someone for decades, talk to them on the phone or see them every single day, and exchange many deep, dark secrets and still be surprised at how they act and how you get along when you travel together.

Generally when you travel, the full gambit of emotions tends to come out at one time or another. Travel is tiring and it dehydrates you, plus you are eating, getting up, going to sleep and doing other things at different times (and sometimes in different ways or in a different order) than you normally would, meeting new people, being thrust into completely new situations and generally experiencing unfamiliarity wherever you turn.

This, of course, is one of the great things about travel (and one of my favourite things about it) but it can also wreak havoc on your disposition. Regardless of where you are going and when, the actual "traveling" part of the travel is not the most enjoyable - it's normally very tiring and tedious (being squeezed into a tiny airplane seat or standing in endless line-ups when flying? Sitting in traffic and staring down seemingly endless stretches of highway, dealing with reckless morons and countless detours when driving? Anyone?). I personally hate the actual "traveling" part, and just can't wait to GET to where I'm going. It depends of course, but generally I wish I could just teleport myself to wherever I want to go and skip all the bull.

Given the fact the traveling can often be tiring and tedious, it often means that either you, your traveling companion or both end up cranky, irritable, moody, stressed and frustrated at some point or another and this means that one or both of you gets to see the other in a light that is not necessarily the most flattering.

Aside from the conditions of traveling, different people have different traveling "styles", meaning that they like to structure their trip in different ways. Some people prefer to be uber-organized and have every hour of every day planned ahead of time, and like to cram in as many sights as possible during their time in that place. Some people prefer to be laid-back and not plan anything, just go out and wander and see where the day takes them. Some people like to visit every museum and read every plaque, while some people are content with a quick look at one or two things, or prefer to skip the tourist attractions altogether in favour of exploring back alleys.

I would say I am somewhere in the middle of these two extremes. I DO like to make the most of my time somewhere, so I try to figure out what main things I want to see before I go and at least come up with a basic plan for what to do and when. I also like to try and get up as early as I can so that half the day is not wasted. However, I DO NOT like to schedule my day so tightly that I have no wiggle room and I am exhausted after only a few hours. I like to keep my schedule flexible and I always like to take time to just wander and explore and visit some lesser known sights.

Given my middle-of-the-road traveling style, chances are I would go nuts traveling with someone whose style is closer to either extreme end (hyper-organized or super-laid-back) or has completely different interests. For example, my mom and I travel great together because we tend to want to visit the same sort of attractions (we both love anything arts-related, interesting museums, historical places, shopping/markets, etc) and we have a similar attitude to travel. On the other end of things, when I visited Amsterdam a few years ago with a group of girls from a University in the US (we were all living in London at the time taking a course at Regent's College), one of the gals and I ended up breaking off on the second day because all the other 3 wanted to do was sit in "koffee houses" (for those of you that are not familiar with Amsterdam's well-known attractions, it should be noted that these places do not actually serve coffee) all day long. BOR-ING. And lets be honest, if I really wanted to smoke weed all day long I could do that at home.

Luckily, I have discovered that the boy and I have similar travel styles as well because we traveled quite well together this vacation. I would definitely say I am more of a "planner" than he is, but generally we wanted to visit the same things and were open to suggestion from the other person.**

Which brings me to another point about traveling companions - you also need to remember that it is your COMPANION's trip too. You should try and compromise and do your best to ensure that you BOTH get the most of the trip. Don't throw a tantrum because you do not get to do exactly what you want when you want. Guess what, kid?! That's life. I'm not saying you should compromise all the time as you are guaranteed to not have any fun and I do not think you should miss things you really want to take in just because your companion doesn't want to, but you should be flexible, considerate and open-minded. If you can't manage to do that, you should probably travel alone. Or if you and your companion really cannot agree on a compromise, than go your separate ways for a few hours! Hello, you are not attached at the hip! And trust me, you will regret it forever if you come home having followed someone else around the entire week when you really didn't want to.

Anyway, my point is you may not be a good traveling companion for everyone in your life, even for people that you see on a daily basis and love very much, and not everyone in your life will necessarily be a good traveling companion for you. And that's ok! But if you can find someone that you can travel with, it is certainly a nice thing and I think it's a tougher thing to find than a lot of people realize. I am happy that the boy and I made it through this trip without murdering each other (as you can see, I am clearly still here and I can assure you he is, too - you will just have to trust me on this one, unfortunately). I see many more trips in our future and that makes me really happy. Traveling is something I really enjoy and will always really enjoy, and it is so nice to have someone in my life that shares my passion. We are already planning our NEXT road trip!

Who do you like to travel with and why? What is YOUR traveling style?

*this trip was also awesome because it means I get to cross another item off my 30 B4 30 list!! (see left sidebar) That would be #20: Take a Road Trip - DONE! Bazinga!
**of course, it helps that my boy is very laid-back and easy to please - I have to admit I would not necessarily say I am "laid-back" (I tend to be high-strung and a "worrier") but he is helping me do this more and I am becoming more so over time when it comes to travel

I'm an "inextrovert"! What about you?

Man, I hate Mondays. I hate them even more after staying up until midnight to watch the Golden Globes. I always say I'm not going to stay up and watch the whole thing ("ok, next commerical break, I'm going to bed...") but I always end up doing it. I live-tweeted throughout the whole evening, which was actually fun! It was like sitting around chatting about the show in real time with your friends. Plus, making fun of celebrities is always a good time. I love how Ricky Gervais can make them squirm! Mwahaha.

Anyhoo, one thing I do like about Monday's is that it means the "Monday Morning Motivator" will be in my email inbox! I signed up for this weekly email a while back when I was researching career coaching. It's sort of an email "newsletter" sent out on Mondays by CareerJoy, a "Canadian Career Coaching Company", and it always contains a short headliner advice article that is usually an interesting read.

This week's email headliner, entitled "Yes, but I'm an introvert...", caught my eye. The article states:

"Are you an introvert or an extrovert? If you are in introvert you are in good company. Introverts make up around 25% of the population. Some famous introverts include, Barbara Walters, Warren Buffet & Pierre Trudeau. Carl Jung defined introverts as "inward turning" and extroverts as "outward turning." Introverts are more energized alone, extroverts are energized by people. The classic myth is introverts are not as good with people, as extroverts are. We are all social beings, introverts can in many ways be better with people, they tend to be better listeners, more creative and more analytical. There are many advantages to being "inward turning" I would argue that it has never been a better time to be an introvert. With the rise of social media tools like, blogging. Linkedin, twitter and Facebook, great platforms for the person who is more introverted by nature. Social media is an "introverts" paradise."

This article mainly caught my eye because I've always considered myself to be an introvert. But on the other hand, I would consider myself to be an extrovert in some situations. Generally, I'm a shy person who is really uncomfortable approaching strangers and it takes me a while to warm up to people. However, I also enjoy socializing, meeting new people and having conversations. Which side of me predominates really depends on the dynamics and circumstances of each individual situation. I cannot be around people all the time (I have to have alone time and some social situations give me major anxiety) but I also can't be alone all the time either (I start to go stir-crazy if I don't socialize for a while and I love just being "out" with people where things are happening).

I know this is a complete contradiction but I'm willing to bet that the majority of people are this way, i.e. a mixture of intro and extroversion.

The thing that really gets me is that being introverted in our society is sort of seen as a negative thing. As Alan says above, "The classic myth is introverts are not as good with people, as extroverts are", and as someone who has been  classified as "introverted" pretty much her entire life, this stereotype is frustrating. (this post sort of relates to this one, where I discuss my Myers-Briggs personality type).

In our society, introversion is generally associated with anti-socialness (or at least poor social skills), being uptight and conservative, risk-averse, and agoraphobic, whereas extroversion is associated with being fun, talkative, adventurous and charismatic. For some reason, if you have a quieter personality and are a listener or thinker rather than a talker, than you are seen as wierd, mysterious, or as an outsider. Someone who doesn't like people and isn't open to new ideas and experiences. Just try Googling "introvert" and check out the image results (lets just say many of them are depressing).

I have struggled with shyness and self-consciousness my entire life, and I still struggle with it. I've come a long way and I become more and more ok with it as I get older but this is probably something I will always have with me. I'm becoming more and more ok with the fact that it's part of who I am but I can't lie, it's frustrating not being one of those people who (seemingly) feels comfortable talking to anyone about anything.

Much of the frustration that comes from being a "quiet" person stems not so much from wanting to change this about myself but from the judgments that people make because of it. I've had so many people assume that I just don't like people, that I have nothing important to say, that I'm a "goody-goody" who is timid and weak and obviously those things are completely off-base. I have had people even assume that shyness is something that I chose, that I can just snap my fingers and magically be outgoing all the time. Trust me, if it were that easy I would have done it by now. I do agree that my shyness is something I can work on overcoming by putting myself outside my comfort zone (and I try to do that as much as possible), but it's a lot easier said than done.

I just think there is something to be said for being quiet at times. I think there is something to be said for holding some things back, for thinking and listening before talking, for observing rather than interacting, for taking time to recharge and reflect, for having fewer, closer friends rather than a humongous social circle. It doesn't mean I won't chew you out or stand up for myself/loved ones if I feel the need. And you might find this hard to believe, but I actually love going on adventures, having opinionated heated debates, and I've partied too hard many times (hey I've got "skydiving" on my "30 B4 30" list, ok?)

I'm sorry if this sounds sort of "rant-y" as I didn't intend it to be. I'm not trying to get on a soap-box here and rant about how no one understands me. I just wanted to say that (as a traditionally "introverted" person) I have had many people make assumptions about me based on that alone. I may be an introvert, but that's not all I am. And extroverts are much more than their general personalities, too. Human beings are extremely complex creatures and it's not as simple as sticking a label on someone's shoulder and calling it a day.
In any case, regardless of what categories you do or don't fit into, it's not about the cards you are dealt it's how you play them.

Just remember, in games of chance (like life) it is often the quiet, unassuming ones you have to watch out for! (mwahaha) *wink*

Who Are You? (I Really Wanna Know)

I applied for a job yesterday that recommended I list my "Myers Briggs Type" in my application, since it is a position that requires writing/editing/research skills. I was intrigued, both because I had never been asked to submit such a thing for a job application, and also because I have always wondered what my type is and this would be a good excuse to find out!

Here is my result: I am INFJ - Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging

I am sometimes skeptical of these "personality tests"; you have to wonder how accurate they really are and more to that what the point is. Googling my Type yielded various definitions, with different titles (including Counselor, Protector, etc) so it's hard to say what the exact definition of my Type is. However, generally I found the main traits listed for my Type match my actual personality quite accurately. I was pleasantly surprised.

Here are some of the traits that I felt were most accurate (taken from this profile which puts me in the category "The Protectors"):

* take things in primarily via intuition; know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand; put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions
* protective of their inner selves; deep, complex, quite private and typically difficult to understand; hold back part of themselves, can be secretive.
* perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential; rarely at complete peace with themselves; believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments; have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families
* place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world; constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives; not good with money or practical day-to-day life necessities (that's not true - I'm good at spending money! I'm also good at eating, which is a very practical daily necessity!)
* are usually right, and they usually know it (hah! Well, not going to argue with that!)
* gentle, caring, artistic, creative; genuinely warm; good listener
* hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring; concerned for people's feelings, try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone; very sensitive to conflict, which may drive them into a state of agitation or charged anger; tend to internalize conflict and experience health problems as a result; don't believe in compromising their ideals; take commitments seriously; seek long-term relationships but can easily move on after a relationship is ended.
* usually works in areas where they can be creative and independent; natural affinity for art, not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks.

Obviously, it can be hard to be objective when it comes to your own personality, but for the most part I feel I'm a very self-aware person who is accepting of both her strengths and weaknesses and I would say all of the above is BANG ON.

I find this so interesting! I also think it's interesting that these types of tests are not used more often. WHY have I never been asked to submit this information in a job application before? If you think about it, these standardized tests can be a more accurate portrait of a person and their strengths/weaknesses than a cover letter and resume because they are more objective.

Obviously, these tests are not completely unbiased because there is no guarantee the "testee" (tee hee) is answering the questions honestly, but at the same time, the questions are in such a format that it would be hard for the applicant to manipulate their answers in order to come out with a specific result, i.e. the type that the employer is most looking for. For one, the test is made up of "yes" and "no" questions that give no indication of what category your answer will place you in (unlike other tests, such as multiple choice, which I would say are easier to predict), and secondly there is no way of  knowing what Type the employer is even looking for, if they are in fact looking for a particular one.

Of course, I'm not suggesting that all employers should be requiring applicants to complete the Myers Briggs test. All I'm saying is the test could be an easy and interesting way to find out more about a person's character and to remove some of the bias that exists in the hiring process (on both sides).

Human beings are obviously much more complex than a 72-question test can reveal - a lot of how we act depends on the circumstances and mood of individual situations. But I also feel that sometimes 'who we are' is staring us right in the face but we don't see it until it's revealed in an honestly answered questionnaire.

Fun factoid: Only about 1% of the population are the INFJ type! How cool is that?! So, either I'm really special or really "special", if you know what I mean.

Have you ever taken the Myers Briggs test? What is your Type? Is it accurate? How would you feel about including your Type in a job application?

If you wish to take the test, you can do so here - give it a try; you might learn something about yourself!