Mmm, Fresh Biscuit!

Photo by Me

Hey all! Check out my post on Hip Urban Girl about an awesome boutique in my city called Biscuit. I was lucky enough to interview the owner, Wendy Friedman, a few weeks ago and I was really impressed with her passion for the small business and fashion sectors (and her knowledge too - she's been doing this for a long time!). One thing I thought was really cool about her is that she was raised a Shambala Buddhist and this is basically why she moved to Halifax in the first place, because this is the international HQ for Shambala Buddhism! Cool, huh? Betcha didn't know that...

IMHO we have great shopping here in Halifax (good enough to rival bigger cities like Toronto and Montreal) so I am always excited to showcase some of these businesses to a greater audience. I am looking forward to writing about more hip, urban and passionate businesses here in my city! 

Thanks goes to Lisa and Wendy for taking me on as a new writer and being open to all my ideas!

Stay tuned for more articles about food and drink, shopping and activities in Halifax from a HUG perspective!

Spread a Little Love

After watching this video on Rock n Roll Bride (which is an awesome blog that you should check out if you haven't already - even if you're not getting married anytime soon), I just had to share it:


n'tima & steven from madeulookphotography on Vimeo.


I'm not normally a romantic, sappy person but this video and this couple's story just melted my heart. You can just feel so much love between them and from everyone around them. You know when you just get that "vibe" from a couple, like they are so connected and have so much admiration and respect for one another?

Perhaps it's so heartwarming to see because it's so rare. Or is it around us all the time and we just don't see it? I'm not sure. One of those mysteries of life, I guess. Maybe it's because I'm a bit in love myself at the moment, but this video just made me think a lot about how much love there is in the world and how we should all embrace it. I don't think we notice it or embrace it enough in general. Probably a lot of people are like me and are almost afraid to embrace love too much in case it is taken away. I've had the love rug pulled out from under me enough times before that I have developed a cynical shell and also a fear of giving myself fully to loving others, I'm sorry to say. It's something I'm working on and I suppose a lot of us are, but I think perhaps many of us (me included) can do better.*

I'm not advocating we all go out and hug trees walk around in a "love bubble" where everything is rosy all the time (that's just not realistic, and lets be honest, weird) but it can't hurt to push ourselves a TINY bit outside of our comfort zones in terms of giving (and receiving) love. And I mean TINY: pay compliments when they are due, say thank-you, smile at people, give a loved one a hug just because you feel like it, pay for the order of someone behind you in a drive-thru (I did that the other day and it felt great!), make a donation, and tell the people you love that you love them. These are such small gestures, but for some reason they are sometimes extremely  hard to remember to do, or even if we remember to do it, the fear of saying the words keeps us mum.

(Think about it: If someone you love died tomorrow, would you be more depressed that you DID tell them how you felt, or that you DIDN'T. Kind of a no-brainer when you think of it that way, ain't it? Trust me, I have been in this situation and there is nothing worse than never having had closure with someone before they are gone).

It's been proven that the more love you give out, the more you get back (ok, I suppose this is slightly cliched, but cliches are such for a reason) so today (and tomorrow and the next day), give out a tiny bit more love than you normally do. Just try it and see what happens.

You never know! I figure even if it makes me feel half as good as I do watching this video, than the experiment will have been completely worth it.

*By the way, I Love you Blog. I don't say that enough. This video was also timely for me because I've been thinking about telling a certain person about my feelings but I've been too chicken-shit to do it yet. I think I might have convinced myself to just go ahead and do it - what's the worst that could happen?!

I'm an "inextrovert"! What about you?

Man, I hate Mondays. I hate them even more after staying up until midnight to watch the Golden Globes. I always say I'm not going to stay up and watch the whole thing ("ok, next commerical break, I'm going to bed...") but I always end up doing it. I live-tweeted throughout the whole evening, which was actually fun! It was like sitting around chatting about the show in real time with your friends. Plus, making fun of celebrities is always a good time. I love how Ricky Gervais can make them squirm! Mwahaha.

Anyhoo, one thing I do like about Monday's is that it means the "Monday Morning Motivator" will be in my email inbox! I signed up for this weekly email a while back when I was researching career coaching. It's sort of an email "newsletter" sent out on Mondays by CareerJoy, a "Canadian Career Coaching Company", and it always contains a short headliner advice article that is usually an interesting read.

This week's email headliner, entitled "Yes, but I'm an introvert...", caught my eye. The article states:

"Are you an introvert or an extrovert? If you are in introvert you are in good company. Introverts make up around 25% of the population. Some famous introverts include, Barbara Walters, Warren Buffet & Pierre Trudeau. Carl Jung defined introverts as "inward turning" and extroverts as "outward turning." Introverts are more energized alone, extroverts are energized by people. The classic myth is introverts are not as good with people, as extroverts are. We are all social beings, introverts can in many ways be better with people, they tend to be better listeners, more creative and more analytical. There are many advantages to being "inward turning" I would argue that it has never been a better time to be an introvert. With the rise of social media tools like, blogging. Linkedin, twitter and Facebook, great platforms for the person who is more introverted by nature. Social media is an "introverts" paradise."

This article mainly caught my eye because I've always considered myself to be an introvert. But on the other hand, I would consider myself to be an extrovert in some situations. Generally, I'm a shy person who is really uncomfortable approaching strangers and it takes me a while to warm up to people. However, I also enjoy socializing, meeting new people and having conversations. Which side of me predominates really depends on the dynamics and circumstances of each individual situation. I cannot be around people all the time (I have to have alone time and some social situations give me major anxiety) but I also can't be alone all the time either (I start to go stir-crazy if I don't socialize for a while and I love just being "out" with people where things are happening).

I know this is a complete contradiction but I'm willing to bet that the majority of people are this way, i.e. a mixture of intro and extroversion.

The thing that really gets me is that being introverted in our society is sort of seen as a negative thing. As Alan says above, "The classic myth is introverts are not as good with people, as extroverts are", and as someone who has been  classified as "introverted" pretty much her entire life, this stereotype is frustrating. (this post sort of relates to this one, where I discuss my Myers-Briggs personality type).

In our society, introversion is generally associated with anti-socialness (or at least poor social skills), being uptight and conservative, risk-averse, and agoraphobic, whereas extroversion is associated with being fun, talkative, adventurous and charismatic. For some reason, if you have a quieter personality and are a listener or thinker rather than a talker, than you are seen as wierd, mysterious, or as an outsider. Someone who doesn't like people and isn't open to new ideas and experiences. Just try Googling "introvert" and check out the image results (lets just say many of them are depressing).

I have struggled with shyness and self-consciousness my entire life, and I still struggle with it. I've come a long way and I become more and more ok with it as I get older but this is probably something I will always have with me. I'm becoming more and more ok with the fact that it's part of who I am but I can't lie, it's frustrating not being one of those people who (seemingly) feels comfortable talking to anyone about anything.

Much of the frustration that comes from being a "quiet" person stems not so much from wanting to change this about myself but from the judgments that people make because of it. I've had so many people assume that I just don't like people, that I have nothing important to say, that I'm a "goody-goody" who is timid and weak and obviously those things are completely off-base. I have had people even assume that shyness is something that I chose, that I can just snap my fingers and magically be outgoing all the time. Trust me, if it were that easy I would have done it by now. I do agree that my shyness is something I can work on overcoming by putting myself outside my comfort zone (and I try to do that as much as possible), but it's a lot easier said than done.

I just think there is something to be said for being quiet at times. I think there is something to be said for holding some things back, for thinking and listening before talking, for observing rather than interacting, for taking time to recharge and reflect, for having fewer, closer friends rather than a humongous social circle. It doesn't mean I won't chew you out or stand up for myself/loved ones if I feel the need. And you might find this hard to believe, but I actually love going on adventures, having opinionated heated debates, and I've partied too hard many times (hey I've got "skydiving" on my "30 B4 30" list, ok?)

I'm sorry if this sounds sort of "rant-y" as I didn't intend it to be. I'm not trying to get on a soap-box here and rant about how no one understands me. I just wanted to say that (as a traditionally "introverted" person) I have had many people make assumptions about me based on that alone. I may be an introvert, but that's not all I am. And extroverts are much more than their general personalities, too. Human beings are extremely complex creatures and it's not as simple as sticking a label on someone's shoulder and calling it a day.
In any case, regardless of what categories you do or don't fit into, it's not about the cards you are dealt it's how you play them.

Just remember, in games of chance (like life) it is often the quiet, unassuming ones you have to watch out for! (mwahaha) *wink*

And if it hurts to be so blind, why don't you try bein' kind?

This video (discovered on this site this morning) made my day:



Isn't that heartwarming? I know, some of you are probably barfing from the cheese-overload, but I admit it, I can't get enough of this kind of thing. These random acts of kindness and fun that you occasionally see in our over-sexed, over-violent, over-isolated world.

Perhaps that's why they warm my heart so much - because sometimes it seems you don't hear about or see them happening very often. Well, I think the truth is that they happen all the time but we just need to pay attention to them more and give them more value.

When was the last time you did something kind for a stranger? I'm sorry to say I can't even remember when the last time was for me. It's funny though because anytime a stranger has done something nice for ME, I remember it ALWAYS (and I have a terrible memory, so that's saying something). For example, I still remember the time a few years ago when my mom and I pulled up to the drive-thru window at a local coffee shop and were informed that the woman in the car in front of us had paid for our entire order! We were both completely dumb-founded, and to this day thinking about that small, tiny gesture makes me grin like an idiot.

Or that time my car got stuck on a hill while driving home in a huge snowstorm, and a man walking by (as well as one from the car behind me) pushed on my bumper until the tires were freed.
These are all incredibly SMALL acts in terms of effort and time. They were not sweeping acts of society-altering reform, but things that only took a few minutes and affected only me. But look at the lasting impact these small acts have had on me! The fact that I still think and smile about them years after they have occurred just goes to show how much gestures of kindness can mean to another person.

It can be so easy to get caught up in our own "stuff" and in the negative occurances that happen in the run of a day, that we often forget that there are other people around us and that they are dealing with their own negative "stuff". Everyone has a story, everyone has something weighing on their mind and everyone needs a pick-me-up now and then.

I don't mean to lecture about how we should all treat each other better, because trust me, I'm very guilty of not engaging with others as much as I could. I tend to be shy and keep to myself and rarely engage with strangers in any case, let alone to do something nice for them. I'm just saying that watching the video above and reading the linked post opened my eyes to the fact that I (and human beings in general) close myself off an awful lot and that is not always necessary. It made me want to go out and do something nice for someone I've never met, and I think this is something we should all consider doing at some time or another.

Who knows if I will actually do this; chances are I'll forget all about this video and lesson in a few days, caught up in those errands I have to run, that car that cut me off, or that cashier that barely looked at me. That's usually what happens with these kinds of lessons, of course; they become overshadowed by life and its everyday annoyances.

But, hey, I still remember that lady at Tim Hortons, don't I? So, perhaps there IS a chance I'll remember this lesson too and do something nice for someone this week. And perhaps you will remember to do this too. Chances are if you and I go through with it, someone else will pass it on, then that person will pass it on, etc, etc, etc. And if that happens, think about how much more love will be out in the world.

Who knows, you might just make someone's day. And isn't that enough of a reason?

For more on how to make someone's day (and yours), visit the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation website (oh yes, it exists).  Or check out this song.

Fat-Bottomed Girls

I had a few other blog post ideas for today, but those all went out the window after I read this article this morning (thanks to my friend @laurenoostveen for posting on Facebook and bringing it to the attention of my end of the interwebs). I strongly encourage you to click the link and read the whole article for yourself, as that's the only way to really get why it made me so angry (and I'm not the only one - last time I checked, there were 415 comments, most of them denouncing the piece).

While I do think the author makes some valid points - namely that it's not good to implicitly promote obesity, that obesity is a major problem in North America that costs the healthcare system (if you can call it that in the US) a lot of money, and that people who are obese do have (some) control over it and can change it if they really try.

However, I do not agree with the other 80% of the article, or at least the language used. My jaw literally fell open in shock when I read this little gem:

So anyway, yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine addict slumping in a chair.

I can't even put into words how rude and offensive the language is here. Perhaps the author didn't mean to be as offensive as she came across, but it doesn't matter for many reasons:

First of all, um HELLO?! You're a WRITER. Choosing words is a pretty darn big part of what you do for a living....well, actually it essentially IS what you do for a living, so it's a pretty big impossibility (and downright crazy) that you would choose the wrong words, and then proceed to permeate your ENTIRE article with these poor choices.

Secondly, this article appears in Marie Claire, which, even though my opinion of it has pretty much been flushed down the toilet now, is a fairly reputable publication that has been around a while. As such, I'm assuming that there are a team of editors on staff whose job it is to EDIT articles before they are published. Therefore, I'm assuming that at least one other set of eyes (besides the author) looked over these words before they were posted. Ergo, clearly several people on the Marie Claire staff determined that this article was well-written and suitable for public posting. Why they thought this is beyond me, but nevertheless, it happened.

While I'm all for freedom of the press/freedom of speech and encouraging public discourse, I think there are ways to do this without being unabashedly, bluntly mean and arrogant. I realize this is essentially an opinion piece, and the author is completely entitled to her opinion, but I feel that there are ways to bring up an issue and explore it while still being at least mostly impartial. I not only feel that the author used extremely poor language in her article, I also feel that she didn't explore the whole issue. I think that, as a writer (especially if you are getting PAID for what you write), if you're going to present an extreme opinion such as this, you owe it to readers to provide concrete, sensible reasons for that opinion, as well as acknowledge the other issues at play in the issue (including the opposite view to yours).

There is a time and place - if you are sitting around with friends in the comfort and privacy of your own home, you have much more leeway in terms of how bluntly you can present your opinion. But when you're posting your opinion on the Internet where ANYONE IN THE WORLD can find and read it, you do have to think about filtering at least somewhat. Either that or expect some MAJOR backlash, both to your own credibility and the credibility of a reputable publication (in this case, Marie Claire).

As I mentioned, however, the author did get one or two points right - obesity is a huge (no pun intended) problem in North America and it's only getting worse. Collectively we could all do with a little less junk food and a little more exercise. That being said, I also feel that obesity is a very COMPLEX problem. For some people, it's not as simple as eating less and exercising more; some people are overweight or obese through no fault of their own but thanks to a chronic health condition, medications, etc. Also, not everyone who is "large" is unhealthy; some people have large body types and some people have small body types. Just because someone doesn't look like a supermodel doesn't mean they are lazy and fill their face with pizza and chocolate cake all day. I'm short and have a slow metabolism, so I tend to put on weight easily if I'm not careful. But I have friends who can eat tons of food and never gain a pound because they are tall and have high metabolisms. There are SO many factors to weight and body type it's not enough to simply say 'shame on you' for being fat and why don't you do something about it.

I myself am not entirely happy with my size and shape, and I could stand to lose a few lbs. However, as anyone who has tried to get in shape knows, it's easier said than done. It can be extremely hard to stick to a diet and exercise plan and falling off the wagon at one point or another is inevitable. But I'm human and I try my best. And articles like this - and magazines like Marie Claire period, in fact - certainly don't do wonders for the motivation. Hey Maura, your trite offer of "nutrition and fitness suggestions" are much appreciated *cue eye roll* but one might be more likely to take them seriously if you didn't precede them by describing those who could benefit from said suggestions as "fatties" that you find "gross" to look at.

Want to hear something extremely shocking?! Your suggestions are completely useless anyway in the long run because (are you ready for this?): EVERYONE KNOWS IF YOU EAT BAD FOOD AND DON'T EXERCISE THAT YOU WILL GAIN WEIGHT AND NOT BE HEALTHY, BUT NO ONE DOES IT BECAUSE IT'S TEN TIMES MORE FUN TO EAT CHIPS AND COOKIES AND SIT ON THE COUCH WATCHING CAKE BOSS RE-RUNS THAN IT IS TO GO FOR A RUN AND EAT A SALAD.

Egads!! The truth finally comes out. Sarcasm aside, these are suggestions that could be found in any health publication or article and most people are aware of them already in any case so you're not bringing anything new to the table. This writer really is "clueless" (and I should point out that this is HER word, not mine - check out the 2nd paragraph!).

The bottom line here is, that yes there is a huge issue with obesity in our society but there's no quick fix for it. And the last thing that will help is continuing to make fat people feel worthless and guilty by shoving hurtful words and labels (like the ones mentioned in this article) and unrealistically "attractive" images down their throats and then turning around and pointing an accusatory finger in their faces. It's like that line from Cold Mountain (that for some reason has always stuck with me), it's as though "they made the weather and then they stand in the rain and say 'Shit, it's raining!'".

Obviously magazines and magazine writers are not to blame for the problem of obesity, I'm just saying they are certainly contributers to the issues surrounding it. I can't believe that, even after such an outcry has been raised in recent years, fashion magazines continue to be so out of touch with reality. I think it's particularly funny in Marie Claire's case because they are the only fashion magazine I know of that features a monthly column on full-figured fashion!! I thought Marie Claire was better than this, but apparently they are just as shallow and out of touch as all the others. Anyway, this is a whole other issue but bottom line is no one can deny that when it comes to the fashion industry, for all the envelope-pushing there is a sad lack of diversity.

Of course, the author obviously isn't entirely clueless, because she issued the following apology at the end of the article, clearly not long after the barrage of negative comments started):

I would really like to apologize for the insensitive things I've said in this post. Believe it or not, I never wanted anyone to feel bullied or ashamed after reading this, and I sorely regret that it upset people so much. A lot of what I said was unnecessary; it wasn't productive, either.
I know a lot of people truly struggle to lose weight— for medical and psychological reasons—and that many people have an incredibly difficult time getting to a healthy size. I feel for those people and I'm truly sorry I added to the unhappiness and pain they feel with my post.
I would like to reiterate that I think it's great to have people of all shapes and healthy sizes represented in magazines (as, it bears mentioning here, they are in Marie Claire) and on TV shows--and that in my post, I was talking about a TV show that features people who are not simply a little overweight, but appear to be morbidly obese. (Morbid obesity is defined as 100% more than their ideal weight.) And for whatever it's worth, I feel just as uncomfortable when I see an anorexic person as I do when I see someone who is morbidly obese, because I assume people suffering from eating disorders on either end of the spectrum are doing damage to their bodies, and that they are unhappy. But perhaps I shouldn’t be so quick to judge based on superficial observations.
To that point (and on a more personal level), a few commenters and one of my friends mentioned that my extreme reaction might have grown out of my own body issues, my history as an anorexic, and my life-long obsession with being thin. As I mentioned in the ongoing dialogue we’ve been carrying on in the comments section, I think that's an accurate insight.
People have accused me of being a bully in my post; I never intended to be that--it's actually the very last thing I want to be, as a writer or a person. But I know that I came off that way, and I really cannot apologize enough to the people whom I upset.

Sorry Maura, but I think it's a case of too little too late here. Ya know in court when the judge tells the stenographer to "strike that from the record"? Well, I've got news for you - it may mean the words will no longer appear on the page, but everybody still heard them.

*Sorry for the rant but this issue just really grinds my gears*

Manic Monday: Cat People

This is one of the funniest, truest articles I've read in a long time. And I really relate to it because I'm definitely a "crazy cat lady", I'm (almost) ashamed to admit. This is one of my favourite passages:


"Are there people who are completely insane about their dogs? Hordes. But cat people may as well have whiskers and tails themselves. That’s because their pets’ lack of social need taps straight into our worst fears as the human inhabitants of New York. Cats, after all, don’t have other cat friends. You can’t take them to the cat run. Cats and their owners are on a private, exclusive loop of affection. Thus cats have become symbolic of a community eschewed and a hyper-engagement with oneself. They represent the profound danger of growing so independent in New York that it’s not merely that you don’t need anyone — it’s that you don’t know how to need anyone.....
The upside to cat ownership is proximity to a sense of dignity, intelligence and lack of garish behavior. The downside is that a cat is something hidden, a secret that needs confessing as the doorknob turns. By the way, I’ve been to the doctor and it turns out … I have a cat."


Ahahah hilarious. Sloane Crosley is now one of my new favourite writers. You can check out her website to learn more about her and her writings or follow her on Twitter @askanyone

Cats are just the greatest, am I right?! Anyone?

Manic Monday: Escaping

“Of the gladdest moments in human life, methinks, is the departure on a distant journey into unknown lands. Shaking off, with one mighty effort, the fetters of Habit, the leaden weight of Routine, the cloak of many Cares, and the slavery of Home.” - Sir Richard Francis Burton (who was a pretty cool cat by the sounds of it - observe: Captain Sir Richard Francis Burton KCMG FRGS (19 March 1821 – 20 October 1890) was an English explorer, translator, writer, soldier, orientalist, ethnologist, spy, linguist, poet, fencer and diplomat. He was known for his travels and explorations within Asia and Africa as well as his extraordinary knowledge of languages and cultures. According to one count, he spoke 29 European, Asian, and African languages.^{[1]
(Ummmmm, WORD?!)}

This quote is from this amazing article that appeared in The Globe and Mail this past Saturday. If you like to travel, have been craving escape or just plain like reading moving sentences, this article is definitely recommended reading.

Killing Me Softly

One of the major news stories in Canada today is that of Muhammad Parvez and Waqas Parvez pleading guilty to second-degree murder, and being sentenced to 25 years in prison. 16 year old Aqsa Parvez was Muhammad's daughter and Waqas' sister.

On December 10th, 2007 in Mississauga, Ontario Aqsa's father and brother murdered her in a so-called "honour killing" - a punishment for the "shame" that Aqsa brought upon her family by resisting their strict Muslim religious rules. One of the main "shameful offenses" that Aqsa committed was insisting on wearing Western clothing, rather than the traditional hijab head covering.

When Aqsa's mother asked her husband why he did it, he answered: "My community will say you have not been able to control your daughter. This is my insult. She is making me naked.” Possibly even more surprising than this, Islamic leaders that spoke to the media after the tragedy almost implied that Aqsa invited her fate, discussing that Muslim's who stray from their path must "pay for it", and stating that "parents fail and bring shame upon themselves if a child chooses to abandon holy writings and not wear the hijab". Young Muslim men even lashed out through the Internet, calling Aqsa a "slut" on Facebook, and implying in emails that she was pushing drugs or pregnant.

This story on its own is heartbreaking enough*, but the really sad thing is that this is just one of many of these types of crimes that have occurred in Canada in recent years. All it takes to get a sense of the prevalence of these crimes is a google search for "honour killings in Canada", which turns out about 46,900 results. Brother gets life for gunning down his 20-year-old sister and her fiance in Ottawa, a 14-year-old rape victim is strangled to death by her brother and father, three teenage sisters and their aunt are found in their car submerged in the Rideau Canal in Montreal, a mother stabs her 19-year-old daughter in the head and face, and the list goes on and on.

These stories are so tragic, not only because of the loss of young and as yet unfulfilled lives, but because these killings are justified by such ridiculous reasons. Now, I'm a very open-minded person and I'm very accepting of other cultures and religions, so this is by no means a diatribe against Islam or religious traditions in general, nor a rant about the superiority of Western society. We certainly don't do everything right, and I think there is a lot that (mostly) secular Westerners can learn from the traditions and beliefs of other countries and people.

However, one thing that I feel we Westerners do better is cultivate societies based upon free-will, free-speech and freedom of choice. To kill a member of one's own family because they wish to choose their clothing, boyfriends, and hobbies is simply barbaric and isn't tolerated, at least according to our laws.

One of the great things about Canada as a multi-cultural nation is that there aren't a lot of rules and regulations governing our civil liberties - for the most part, we can go where we please, when we please, wear what we please, say what we please, and spend time with whomever we please (within reason of course). Even if you are expected to follow certain societal rules when you come here to live, you are still free to continue practicing your religion and other cultural traditions, as long as it doesn't harm or disrupt anyone else's life in a negative way.

However, it's a completely different animal when your cultural and religious traditions DO bring harm and suffering to those around you. In Canada, women are not possessions of men. We are not expected to obey our fathers, brothers and uncles, nor are we punished for making choices that the men in our lives don't agree with (again, there are always exceptions to the rule, but this is a generalization).

And what is so wrong with the children of these families wanting to dress like their friends, and participate in the activities that their friends do? What is so wrong about wanting to wear jeans and t-shirts, have free-flowing hair, go to movies and dances, and have boyfriends? Is that not what their parents wanted for them when they came here anyway? Did they not come with the hope that their children could have healthy, free lives and access to the opportunities that they never had? It shouldn't be a crime to love life and live it to the fullest.

As Ausma Khan, editor-in-chief of Muslim Girl magazine says: "So many girls are trying to live a faith-based life within a larger secular society. They are trying to fit in with friends and stay true to Islamic values. It can be a struggle." No wonder they rebel - teenagers who have much less pressure on them have lashed out in much more destructive ways.

Luckily there are many in the Muslim world who condemn honour killings and similarly strict behaviour. Tarek Fatah, the founder of the Muslim Canadian Congress, has been a very vocal critic of the restrictive aspects of Islam. He was quoted in a Globe and Mail article (from which the quote from Ausma Khan above also comes) addressing these cultural issues, stating: "I put the blame straight at the feet of people who have made young Muslim girls feel that they are sinners if they don't cover their heads. How many more Muslim girls have to die before the liberal intelligentsia wakes up and the feminists wake up and say the hijab is a symbol of oppression?"

Unfortunately, it seems the answer to his last question is "many more", at least as long as acts like this continue to be excused and swept under the rug. We all have the obligation to speak out about this issue - Muslim or not.

This is religiously-sanctioned domestic abuse, and nothing else.

*I normally really try to not get too political with my posts, but I just couldn't ignore this; it really got my back up

Don't Worry, Be Happy

I read a lot of magazines; probably 2-5 every month regularly, and that's not even counting all of the online content I read. It's not very often that I read an article that deeply touches me and makes my mind and heart race with countless feelings and impressions; good and bad. But once in a while, I do, and this is one of those times.

If you have not yet read the Esquire article on Roger Ebert and his fight against cancer, DO IT NOW! I actually knew nothing about this (even that he HAD cancer) until I saw him on Oprah yesterday. That interview prompted me to read the much-talked-about article today and see what the fuss was about.

Well, wow. Not only is the writing in this piece extremely engaging, the soul of the story and subject practically jumped off the page and grabbed my face. What a treat to get such an intimate glimpse into the private life and struggles of Ebert; to feel as though I'm at his shoulder as he writes and sitting next to him and his wife as they watch yet another movie in a screening room.

The tribulations that Ebert has endured throughout his cancer struggle are almost unfathomable - a body and face mangled by surgeries, almost drowning in his own blood after the sudden burst of his cartoid artery, the loss of the entire bottom half of his jaw, and to me the worst loss of all - that of the ability to talk, eat and drink. Ebert is almost unrecognizable now, a physical shadow of his former self. I would even go so far as to say that his "new" face looks slightly creepy and unsettling.

But underneath the physical deformity is clearly a warm, intelligent, insightful, brave soul. The article portrays Ebert as a happy, positive, hard-working man - no complaining, no tantrums. In fact, the only time he appears angry is when his loved ones are somehow slighted - which is illustrated in one of the most powerful sections of the article. When Ebert attempts to watch a video of his first "At the Movies" episode by himself (following the death of long-time "other thumb", Gene Siskel in 1999. Ebert embedded the video in his online journal tribute to his partner entitled "Remembering Gene"), he is greeted with blank squares that show the video content has been deleted. They assume the culprit is Disney (you'll have to read the article to get the connections here) due to terms-of-use violations or some bullshit. The account by Chris Jones of Ebert's reaction gave me goosebumps:
"This time, the anger lasts long enough for Ebert to write it down. He opens a new page in his text-to-speech program, a blank white sheet. He types in capital letters, stabbing at the keys with his delicate, trembling hands: MY TRIBUTE, appears behind the cursor in the top left corner. ON THE FIRST SHOW AFTER HIS DEATH. But Ebert doesn't press the button that fires up the speakers. He presses a different button, a button that makes the words bigger. He presses the button again and again and again, the words growing bigger and bigger and bigger until they become too big to fit the screen, now they're just letters, but he keeps hitting the button, bigger and bigger still, now just shapes and angles, just geometry filling the white screen with black like the three squares. Roger Ebert is shaking, his entire body is shaking, and he's still hitting the button, bang, bang, bang, and he's shouting now. He's standing outside on the street corner and he's arching his back and he's shouting at the top of his lungs."

I can't even imagine how frustrating it would be to be robbed of the ability to express emotions like this out loud. Although I love writing and it's a kind of catharsis for me, sometimes nothing compares to yelling or swearing at the top of your lungs. The feeling of the words and sounds rising up your throat, out of your mouth and into the room can be, in itself, a kind of salve for your anger and frustration. To never again be able to have a conversation in an easy, natural way or open my mouth and have words come out just as I think of them would be heartbreaking.

And to never again taste or enjoy delicious food and drink! To never again feel the creamy heat of a chocolate melting on your tongue, or the sweet bite at the back sides of your tongue as you bite into a ripe tomato, or the robust and tangy flow of a cup of coffee flowing through and down. I love food and drink so much I can't event imagine not ever enjoying it again, to be relegated to the bland and sad existence of liquid tube-food, and worst of all, to watch others around you enjoy such luxuries without even thinking about them. I honestly think this would be a kind of hell on earth for me.

And he's been doing it for THREE YEARS!

But I suppose the upside to all of this loss is that you would learn how to appreciate more. And it certainly seems that Ebert does that. At one point he writes to Jones on a post-it, "There is no need to pity me. Look how happy I am. This has lead to an explosion of writing". I was so inspired by this, by the fact that he is still happy after everything he has been through, and that he only sees the good things that have come out of his experience. Too many of us (me included) get caught up in the everyday annoyances and setbacks we encounter and completely lose sight of the good things in life. I have good health (extra weight on my bootay notwithstanding), I can walk, talk, eat and drink as I please, I can go where I want when I want, I have loving family and friends that I can count on, I have a good, stable job and funny, friendly co-workers, I have a closetful of clothing (and two dressers, and another closet and...well,you get the idea) and a fridge full of food. What exactly is wrong with this picture? Really, nothing, when you compare it to the pictures of some other people.

I was so inspired by the strength and courage of Ebert and his wife. The words of this article and of Ebert himself and his ways have opened my heart and my mind. I hope to keep this inspiration alive in the back of my heart and brain for a long time to come, and remember it when I'm feeling down about something that has not gone my way. Imagine what the world would be like if every single person did this too.

I'm giving Ebert TWO BIG FAT THUMBS UP!