damn words...you fine

I was lied to. Or, I should say I was never given the whole story.

Everything I was told, or that I read/heard, in high school basically implied that if I got a University degree that I would be all set. I would graduate, get a job and that would be that. They never told me that so much rides on your first job out of school. They never told me that sometimes that first job that you think is going to set you for life ends up being...well, nothing like you expected. They never told me that sometimes your first job out of school can also be the first job you are let go from and that you can be unemployed for the first time a month into living in your first apartment (and having, you know, actual BILLS to pay).

But this all happened to me (needless to say I would have appreciated a head's up as to the possibility). This experience set off a sequence of events that resulted in finding myself inching closer and closer to 30 while spending my working life jumping between temporary secretary jobs where I am not appreciated and that don't really suit me (setting: present day). Soul-sucking corporate jobs with lots of forms, regulations and people blaming you for things that are out of your hands. Jobs that make you long for 4:30 and give you permanent neck and shoulder pain and tension.

And in between all of this, a job search that is pretty soul-sucking in its own right. A search that after a while appears futile and makes you wonder if you have anything of value to offer, if there was any point in getting that degree after all, and why is it so many of your peers seem to be "getting it right" while you are getting it so...wrong.

Not exactly the rosy image I had in my high-school head about my future.

The one blessing from my unexpected career woes? Realizing what I really love and am really good at. Had I never been forced to do so much self-examination and career research, I may have never realized where my true passion lies and the number of opportunities available within that niche for someone who is willing to reach out and grab them. I am not sure I would have ever looked at a skill that lurked there the entire time - my entire life, to be exact - in my peripheral vision as a potential career path had I not been forced to think of "outside the box" ways of bringing in income, as well as my purpose in life.

I have always been a writer (even though I hate when people say that, and they say it a lot) but never a confident one. I never thought of myself as a writer nor thought of the skill as a "talent" or as something that made me special. As an extremely quiet and shy kid growing up, it was a struggle for me to even raise my hand in class and give a 10 second answer, let alone admit to myself that I was talented or special in any area.

I just knew I liked doing it. It felt good to have my essay chosen to read at my 6th grade graduation (out of all the essays in my class). I actually liked writing papers in English class (if that's not an indication of uniqueness, I don't know what is). My marks were always highest in English and arts-related classes. In Jr High I started writing a movie screenplay (alas it never got finished, but if it did I imagine it would have starred Rachel McAdams).

It felt good that, even though I was too scared to open my mouth and speak my mind, that I could always get my thoughts and opinions out on paper. Even if I couldn't be one of those confident and articulate people that everyone listened to in person, I could at least be that person through my pen or keyboard.

I have learned and grown so much since then, but writing is still an outlet for me. And now that I realize it can not only be an outlet, but a way to earn a living, I think I love it even more. You see, I am of the mind that things happen for a reason - so, I am starting to think that maybe there is a reason that my career trajectory has not gone as I would have liked or expected. Maybe there's a reason that I am not liking these secretarial jobs (and they don't like me back).

Maybe it's because I am following the wrong path, looking in the wrong places. Perhaps I was far too focused on getting a "regular" job where I'm always working to please others and feed others' souls rather than working to fill up my own. Maybe it's time to shake things up, give up on the whole "regular" existence thing and take a chance on something I love.

I have been working a bit towards writing for work for about a year now, but I feel I would benefit from some guidance and some mentorship. I feel like I am finally pointed in the right general direction, but I need someone to lead me from here. I know I want to write for a living, but I don't quite have the confidence or the full range of skills to jump right in with both feet on my own.

I feel that your writing course would help give me the confidence boost, practical tools, advice and motivation I need to really make a future out of this. It's time to tell myself it's ok to do what THEY never did - go forth, and follow your passion.

This blog post is an entry into The Damn Fine Words Writing Contest.

Stay Crafty, My Friends

Found here

I have always been a creative person. When I was a kid, I spent an inordinate amount of time in my basement making things - drawing cartoons and fashion sketches, painting rocks, making crafts (don't worry, I did have friends). I was always one of the "artsy" girls in school - always first in line for any artistic extracurriculars like art clubs and fashion shows.

I do not have many regrets in life - I believe we do the best we can with the information we have at the time - but one major thing I am not happy about is the fact that I seem to have lost this part of myself. Well, not lost - I would still say I am creative (I am pursuing a freelance career in writing, so that's something) but just not in the same way.

I don't have the same passion and freedom of expression that I once had. I think a combination of increased life stress and responsibility (and therefore limited time) has doused that creative fire I once had. I have so little spare time sometimes that I often just want to use it to 'veg' and relax, not to sit and paint or make a craft. I hate this. I hate that I have become such a responsible adult that I have lost touch with my creative side.

Since I do feel a little bit of this creative fire still burns, I think I could find that passion again. I think I could find that drive to create again if I just dig hard enough, but sometimes I wonder - is it really possible to get back something that you have lost touch with (seemingly) so long ago? Is is really possible to go back to who you were, grab a little piece of it, and bring it into the present? And even if I can do this, would I be able to produce anything that is actually worthwhile, or am I too out of practice? Sometimes I wonder why I should even bother when it seems to be so much work, but if it is something I feel this disappointed about losing, isn't that a clue that it is something that I truly love?

This is something that I have been thinking a lot about lately, I suppose because the past few months have been particularly stressful ones in my life and I have been searching for relief and emotional therapy wherever I can find it. This, in addition to my issues with obtaining a permanent career forcing me to consider 'alternate' sources of income (hence the push for paying writing jobs) as well HOW exactly I want to bring in money...can I settle for a job that pays the bills, or do I have the confidence to go for a career that is built upon my passions?

I would love to join the ranks of these talented and creative gals with their Etsy shops and their cute, crafty projects. I feel like I could join them but I am not sure how, or if I have it in me. What would I even offer customers? What do I have a talent for that others would be attracted to enough to pay money for? Furthermore, where can I find the time to put the necessary effort into building such a career?

I suppose this post is just sort of a general musing about the state of my life at the moment and my fears and questions surrounding it, but I would love for those of you out there reading this who do own a creative business (full or part-time) to weigh-in! How do YOU do it? Do you think you can re-light a creative fire?

In conclusion, allow me to give kudos to those of you who DO run your own creative business, whether you make a living from it or not. You had a passion and you went for it and that deserves praise. There are so many, like me, who are either too scared or too lost to go for it (or who are not even sure they DO want it!) so you should be really proud of yourself.

Designers, artists, and generally crafty and creative mavens of the world - I salute you.

*Update: Check out this cool contest I just found out about today, related to this post -  'If You Could Start a Crafting Business Tomorrow What Would It Be?' 1 lucky grand-prize winner will be able to discuss their business idea with Ilasco in a 30-minute phone conversation! Plus she/he will receive a copy of Craft Inc. The 4 runners-up will also receive a copy of Craft Inc.

**Read the comments below the contest post to get some amazing business ideas!

Think we kissed but I forgot...

Found here

Ok, how the hell is it the weekend again ALREADY? I'm pretty sure I say that often, as do most of us, but still! And it's mid-July?! I feel like the summer just speeds by and I am constantly struggling to fit in everything I want to do before September comes!  *sigh*

The good news is it's FRIDAY and the work-week is therefore closing! Even though I am excited about this, I should say work is good lately - not too busy but not boring, getting work done...also it looks like things might be moving forward a bit towards me being hired permanently. From what I know, they will be doing interviews the week of August 8th for my job, which means I should have an idea if I am going to be ousted by some internal candidate or actually have a shot at taking the job for myself by mid-August. Only another month! I can stick it out another month. However, there is still no guarantee I will get the job so I am continuing to apply for things. I have several applications out there and have not heard from anyone in a WHILE - the waiting is driving me NUTS - but I know from experience that this is a slow time with people on vacations and stuff. Same thing happened to me last year and BOOM! The beginning of August I got a bunch of calls.

Soooo to make a long story short (which is admittedly tough for me) nothing much has changed but things are slowly moving forward. My current plan is to stick it out until mid-August and if it looks like I will be temping a bit longer I think I may take a part-time gig on the side to make a bit of extra money (answering phones or something easy like that). I am really hoping it doesn't get to that point but being tight on money is really stressing me out (it's probably my biggest stressor in life right now) so at least this would help me feel more comfortable financially. I am expanding the range of job types I am applying for in the hopes that this will help my chances of finding something permanent soon, and will just continue to keep my eyes and ears open, follow up, and think positive! On and on it goes...

Anyway, back to the important news - the weekend!!

Things I am excited about right now:
* The boy is playing in a softball tournament this weekend and I am going to their first game tonight. No I will not be wearing a cheerleading outfit or carrying pom-pom's (although I am sure he would like it) I don't want to scare the children.

* I have my mom's car tonight and tomorrow morning because she has been away. Since I don't have my own car, I feel so free when I do have one; like I could take off to wherever I want to go! Endless possibilities! Of course that is not really true because a) my mom would kill me,  b) I am too broke to afford gas to take me anywhere I want to go, and c) most places I would REALLY want to go I would not be able to drive through (except underwater). In any case, it is still nice to have it.

* Getting a proposal done for an article I want to submit to a local magazine. This is something I have no experience in but hope to do more of in the future. I am going to start small and work my way up, see how it goes.

* Beach bonfire Saturday night! Trying to get a group of friends together right now to enjoy the sunset, s'mores, drinks, and relaxation. Bliss.

* I got an offer to participate in an exciting promotion between TeamBuy Halifax and a local PR firm, and I may be completing my activities on Sunday (weather and other plans permitting). If not this Sunday then next. I will definitely do a post on my experience, but that is all I will say for now. Stay tuned!

* I am now a part of the Elite Squad on Yelp! This basically means that I get invited to fun local parties with other squad members, which is pretty sweet. I love writing for this site! I love that there is a site I can write completely honestly and that I can help people (hopefully) with what I write. Next stop: Curing cancer! (hah)

What are you looking forward to this weekend?

Hidden Adventures (and frustrations)

My first blog post for Nova Scotia.com is now live! You can read it here.

As always, any feedback is appreciated! I hope my entries encourage those of you that live here to explore here more, and those of you that don't live here to visit sometime!

Photo taken by me, Five Islands Provincial Park

Unfortunately I am still sick - although I'm feeling better, I'm still not feeling good. Throat is still sore, still have a fever and generally low energy but I'm back to work because I just can't afford to take any more time off. I hate to complain about temping because it's helping me pay the bills while I look for a permanent job, they have been good to me, and ultimately I am the one choosing to do it, but I have to be honest - I am getting really really sick of not having a job that gives me paid sick or vacation time. Or that provides any kind of stability whatsoever.

First, they do not provide direct deposit, so I have to rely on waiting for cheques in the mail or going out of my way to pick them up (which was super-fun during the month-long postal strike). I am not provided any sick or vacation time, so these past two days I had to take off due to illness are a huge hit to my paycheque. Plus, I realized today that I was not paid for Canada Day (last Friday) even though it's a stat holiday because I didn't work the first scheduled day after the holiday (which was Monday in this case). I had remembered you had to work 15 of the previous 30 days in order to qualify for stat holiday pay, but had forgotten this other rule. So, this means TWO weeks of short paycheques in a row (one day short from last week, and next week will be two days short). Great.

Maybe I'm being a baby about this, but I don't really get why it's ok to doc me money because I physically COULD NOT work the first shift after the holiday. I can't help that I was sick - if I could have gone into work, I would have, but I couldn't. Besides, I shouldn't have to go into work if I feel it's endangering my health - it's not fair to me, and it's not fair to my coworkers. There is something wrong with a system that means people are dragging themselves into work half-dead simply to put in time to meet archaic and ridiculous rules. I had to borrow money from my mother in order to get a prescription and bus tickets because I have been so short the last couple of weeks. I HATE borrowing money from my mother, even though she doesn't mind and I appreciate it.

I am just getting so sick of temping. It's keeping my head above water and I appreciate that, and I certainly make more money doing it than I would if I took a retail job. But I barely make enough to get by and I am so tempted to just say "screw it" to finding a job in my field and just look for something that is easy to get but at least allows me a stable paycheque and benefits, like a secretary or receptionist somewhere. I feel like I have my foot in the door (finally) to a permanent career in a field I actually enjoy, so I am reluctant to pull that foot out, but I am just getting so sick of the unpredictability and stress that temporary work is giving me.

Sorry to rant - opening my cheque this morning just put me in a bad mood and I felt I needed to write it out.

Am I wrong? I know I should just quit complaining and do something about it, but I'm sort of at the point where I don't know WHAT to do. I feel like I'm damned if I do something, damned if I don't. Thoughts? Anyway, I'll figure it out - I'm just cranky today and need a nap. Or a giant cupcake.

Thanks for listening, internet.

Follow-up Post: Job-Search Tips

As a follow-up to my last post I thought I would share some job-searching tips:

* Always write a cover letter when applying for a job (even if they don't ask for one - and it doesn't have to be long and in-depth, before you start whining)

* In fact, make sure your cover letter is NOT too long - you don't want to be vague, but you don't want to be too verbose either (fit on one page if you can!). And PLEASE GOD people PROOF-READ, or better yet proof yourself then have someone else do a 2nd proof for you! If the spelling and grammar in your cover letter is a mess, you might as well write "please throw this out" at the top, because that is exactly what employers will do with it.

* Make sure your cover letter is personalized to the position you are applying for - pull out specific requirements they mention in the job posting and talk about how your experience lends itself to those things. Sure, using a generic cover letter for every job and just changing out the address/name/date at the top is easy, but it's also boring and lazy. Personalizing your resume can't hurt either - I have a section at the top of the 1st page of my resume that acts as a kind of "intro" or "summary" that outlines the position I am applying for, and my general skill sets. Not saying employers ever notice this, but you should never assume. 

* Make sure your cover letter uses positive tone  and highlight what YOU can do for THEM, don't just talk up your skills or use "I" constantly as you can easily come off as arrogant and self-absorbed. Employers want to know what you would bring to the position, not how awesome you are.

* If you have not heard from anyone about the position 2 weeks after the closing date, follow up. I would recommend calling rather than emailing (email is super easy to ignore or overlook). I would also recommend doing some research to find the name of the actual HR manager at the company/organization before you call, because:
A) if you just call and ask the 1st person who answers the phone about the status of a job, they will most likely not know because they are likely to be a receptionist or some other front-line person, and...
B) even if that person does know what the job status is, the person who counts will likely not hear about your call and therefore will have no discerning information about you when they actually see your resume in the pile.
(This is a tricky one though because you want to show interest, but you don't want to be a pest, so use your judgment. Also, pay attention to the job posting because some companies will ask specifically for candidates NOT to call, and if they do you really should wait for them to get in touch with you. You want to show initiative, but you don't want to piss people off or make them think you don't know how to read or follow instructions).

* Speaking of job postings, always save a copy of the posting for all jobs you apply to. I usually just copy and paste into Word (easy-peasy). This may sound like a no-brainer, but I have forgotten to do this many times, only to be scheduled for an interview then have no way of tracking down the job posting to refresh my memory because it was deleted from the web. This saves a lot of heartache and hair-pulling later, as it is good to be well-versed in the expectations of the position before you go into an interview (don't forget to review the cover letter and resume you sent them so you know what exactly you told them about yourself, too!).

* If a job posting intrigues you, but it is not necessarily in your preferred field or location, has a salary that is a bit lower than you were hoping for, or has some responsibilities listed that you are not sure about, apply anyway. It is nice that you have a "Dream Job" in your head and want to hold out for that, but frankly that is an unrealistic notion. Finding your "Dream Job" is an extremely unlikely scenario and most people who are working in their DJ's are there because they paid their dues at jobs they didn't necessarily like and were open to experiences. You SHOULD want to do something you enjoy and that is suited to your personality and skills, however you never know where something will take you - you may discover a passion for something you didn't even know about, make a great contact or two, or gain some really valuable experience to put on your resume. No job is permanent - you can always leave if you don't like it - and there is no shame in working a job that is less-than-glamorous for a while either because you can't find anything else or just to build your portfolio. I always say that as long as there is a POINT to what you are doing, than you will be fine. Besides, the worse thing that will happen if you apply is that they won't call you, and then you will no worse/better off than you were before, but if you don't apply you will never know if you possibly missed out on a great opportunity.

*Expand your job search methods beyond the traditional job listing websites (CareerBeacon, Monster, Workopolis, etc). Think about what organizations or companies you might like to work for and go directly to their websites - most companies/organizations have Careers sections where you can peruse postings, or if they don't, it can't hurt to email them with your resume and ask about possible opportunities. Chances are you won't hear back, but you might. Many companies will take your resume and put it "on file" for the future or may even be open to meeting with you if they are intrigued by your skills and initiative.

If you are not sure what specific companies or organizations you would like to work with, think about what fields or industries you might be interested in and Google companies/organizations within those fields. Put a notice out on your Twitter or Facebook or Blog about what you are looking for and ask for any leads anyone might have. Go out to networking events and career centres and talk to others about what you are looking for, again you NEVER KNOW (my motto) who you are going to meet and who they might know.
Or consider temping! Temp agencies often have access to job postings that do not necessarily go public and there is always a possibility of being hired on permanently - I found a mat leave job through my agency that ended up being a job I really enjoyed a lot and, even though they couldn't hire me permanently, I gained more than a year's awesome experience to put on my resume. And actually, the boss I had there recently recommended me for a position at another related organization. See? YOU NEVER KNOW.
Sites like CareerBeacon are really great, but there may be postings out there that you are missing by focusing ONLY on those forums, and great companies maybe be missing out on YOU because you are being lost in the shuffle.

Don't be a "sheep". Make yourself stand out. 

Anyway, I could go on and on, but those are just some of the main tips I would recommend. Now, these are tips I would give based on MY experience - you can agree or not, but I think I have enough job-searching experience (8 jobs in 8 years) that I know at least somewhat what I am talking about.

What are your tips for job-searching? What have you found works/doesn't work for you?

Work It

I had an interesting conversation with a friend on Saturday night.

She is in the middle of a job search because she is not able to find enough work as a substitute teacher, and it is really tough for new teachers to get a permanent contract (at least where I live it is). She is thinking maybe she needs to change fields altogether.

She is not exactly sure what type of work she wants to do, but has been applying for a bunch of different things just to see what happens. She was complaining about how she has not heard back from any of them, and I asked her if she follows up with any of the companies she is applying to, and her answer was...

"Oh I don't know".

??? Okaaaaay......

Her answer was clearly defensive, almost as if she was aware of how silly it was that she HADN'T followed up on any of these jobs, but just didn't do it anyway for whatever reason. And really I can't blame her. Following up with potential employers is annoying, and it can be embarrassing, too. And, there is no guarantee that following up on a job application will even do anything to help your chances.

Still. I couldn't help but wonder if she is going about her job search in the right way. If there is anything I have learned in the past "Year of Magical Temping" (as I very sarcastically like to call it), it's that you HAVE to set yourself apart from the competition. If you are not offering a potential employer something unique, why would they want to hire you?

The answer is, they won't. Not because you are a bad person or not qualified (necessarily) but because they will forget about you. In a stack of hundreds of resumes, and in an age where managers are more and more limited for time, yours will be passed over. Or if you are lucky enough to have them pick yours out and contact you for an interview, you STILL have to set yourself apart in some way or you will lose your place in the race at that stage instead.

In any case, the fact is there is a lot of competition out there for jobs and many employers have their pick of great people to hire, so anything you can do to make them notice you and remember you is important.

In talking to my friend, I was surprised at both the lack of effort on her part to find a job, and the long list of "requirements" she said she is looking for in a position. I feel bad saying this because there is nothing wrong with having standards, but you have to be realistic. You can't expect a job to fall in your lap just because you apply and you have the qualifications. Sending cover letters and resumes out into the void and leaving it up to chance is simply not enough anymore in today's job market. You have to work hard - it's like anything in life, you get out of it what you put into it, and if you are putting very little effort in, well...

This fact really sucks, but it's also true. And the sooner you accept the fact that it IS true and you can't change it, the sooner you will find a job. You can't control what a potential employer does, but what you CAN control is your own behaviour. You can choose to let the suckiness of the job search get your down, throw your hands up in the air and proclaim "I'm just never going to find a job!", or you can change your tactics. You can grab the job search by the balls and make it come to you.

I mean, why do you think I'm temping?! I'm certainly not doing it because the money is good (HA!!). In fact, I hate temping - I make just enough to get by, I have no health plan or vacation/sick time, and can be fired at any time with no just cause. But the reason I am temping is because I tried (to no avail) to find permanent work, needed something to pay the rent, and recognized that temping was a way to get my foot in the door of some notoriously hard-to-get-hired-into companies quickly (e.g. unionized organizations, such as the University I currently temp at, are very picky about their hiring and often have a ton of competition for any positions they post bc of the job security, high salaries, etc). I am temping because I know if I work my butt off in this position and really show what I can do, when the time comes for them to fill this position permanently, I will be at the top of their choice list. Bottom line is, I am willing to deal with some short-term frustration for long-term gain.

I'm not trying to be preachy here, or act like a know-it-all. I sure as HELL don't have all the answers (if I did, I would be super-rich by now). I can only speak from my own experience, and what has worked for me may not work for others. But I hope that my advice at least helps people who are job-searching realize they are not alone and that they might, in fact, be just steps away from success and just need to change their tactics or way of thinking a little bit.

There is nothing wrong with you. There is just something wrong with your strategy.

And that, in a nutshell, is the most important thing to keep in mind as you conduct your job-search.

I would love to hear about your job searching experiences! Please share your own experiences in the comments!

Practical vs. Passionate?

Considering all of the hurdles I've experienced in my professional life since I graduated from University (almost) 3 years ago, career and lifestyle is something that I think (and talk) about a lot. It hasn't been on my mind as much lately since I have been experiencing a tad more stability the past month. However, after talking with my old boss about a possible new permanent job opportunity coming up, and reading this blog post, and various discussions with friends and family has brought the issue to the forefront of my mind again.

I think the eternal struggle (I say eternal because I think it's something most of us struggle with at some point or another and there is no easy answer to it so it won't really ever be "solved") when it comes to career is whether or not to choose a "practical" path or a "passionate" path. Should I base my career goals around obtaining employment that is stable, secure and predictable? Or should I base my career goals around pursuing a passion, i.e. building a career around an activity that fulfills me?

I have struggled with this as well. I've had moments when I have experienced regrets over the path(s) I chose and wonder how my life would be different today if I had taken different directions. I have always loved writing, but in a way I feel like sort of a "late-bloomer" - I didn't really realize how fully I enjoyed it, or that I even had any kind of talent for it, until I was in my 20's. I don't think I even fully realized that I could write AS a career! I didn't know you could make a living from writing blogs and articles, and offering copywriting and editing services! I sometimes wonder, if I had this knowledge back then, maybe I would be doing all or some of these things full-time now. Maybe I wouldn't have had the career struggles I have experienced. Not to mention wondering whether or not I'd actually have "what it takes" to be a full-time writer, or something else artistic.

But then I remember some of the other lessons that I've learned in the past few years. I have learned how much of a struggle it can be to run your own business, to work for yourself, to even get started. I have learned the value of job security (of knowing where you paycheque is coming from and knowing that it will come like clockwork every two weeks and it will be the same amount), of health benefits, of vacation and sick time. I have learned that I am not a very self-discplined person, and because of that I need to be accountable to someone else (a manager or team members) in order to meet deadlines in a productive manner. I have learned I enjoy having somewhere to "go" every day and a team to contribute to/collaborate with. I enjoy having a separate work and home life - I value my personal time and freedom, time with family and friends, and time to just "goof off", relax or go on little adventures - and I like knowing when exactly I can fit these things in.

Is the 9-5 routine boring sometimes? Of course. Is it sometimes frustrating not having complete control over your projects and dealing with the complicated bureaucracy that you have no control over? Of course. But the fact is, there are complications, bureaucracy and frustrations to any job whether you are your own boss or not. Whether you work for yourself or someone else, it's still a job. You are still working. To put it metaphorically, sure you could move to an exotic, exciting, faraway place (Paris, anyone?), but in the end you still need to pay bills, go grocery shopping and pay taxes.

In any case, a 9-5 job doesn't have to be boring. I have been fulfilled in some way by all of the jobs I've had and I have had some really fun, interesting experiences, projects to work on, and I've met amazing people. Sure, there have been things I haven't enjoyed too, but when it comes right down to it a job is what you make of it, and (as I mention in the previous paragraph) generally you cannot avoid the "shitty" side of working.

And when I really think about it, would I want to do something that I see as  a "fun hobby" for my job 24-7? I'm not so sure I would. I think what I like most about my creative hobbies is that I can indulge in them as much or as little as I want, and that I don't depend on them for anything other than personal pleasure. I like that I can submit 10 articles a month to publications, produce 20 drawings or paintings, or I can do NONE. It's all up to me and what makes me feel good. I think if I made my hobbies my "job", it would start to feel like just that to me - a "job". It would feel like work, not fun.

Further to that (according to another thing I've learned about myself), I don't really feel that I am passionate ENOUGH about any ONE thing to make it my full-time career. I have many passions -  or more specifically I have a little bit of passion for a bunch of different things, so it would be really tough for me to pick one thing, or to organize the motley bunch of passions that I have into some semblance of a career wherein I can actually pay my bills. I would end up working 5 little jobs, and that would stress me out even more than working one large one!

I'm not naive - I certainly see the benefits to being your own boss and doing what you love every day. Despite my caution about that type of lifestyle, there is still part of me that hasn't completely written off working for myself someDAY, or that isn't jealous of the bloggers I follow and their super-successful businesses. But the fact is, you never see the whole story of someone's life, only the parts they choose to share, and for that reason you should never use others' success and passion as a meter stick for your own.

What works for one person may not work for you - and I'm slowly coming to the realization that, for me, that's OK. I don't have to turn my writing or my art into a full-time career in order to feel accomplished. 9-5 may  not be for everyone, but for me the benefits far outweigh the frustrations. It's not about being "superwoman" or being "like

Who knows what the future will bring (yet another lesson I have learned), so who knows if I'll feel this way forever, or have the luxury of a secure 9-5 forever (probably not). But this is what I want right now. I'm quite happy with my practical career choice, and leaving my hobbies to indulge in at home when I have time. The fact is, if you are living the life that you want right now and that works best for you right now, you ARE living your passion - whether you are doing it in a cubicle in an office tower, or on a computer in your home.

Life is Good. That is All.

Life is good right now. I don't mean to brag, and I also don't mean to sound like a hippy-dippy tree-hugger or something. I just feel good about my life right now.

Here are some of the reasons why:

* I've been a member of Weight Watchers for approx. 2.5 weeks now and I've lost a total of 4lbs. Now 4 lbs isn't a huge amount of weight, but it's great for only 2 weeks. Plus, the thing that I love the most about this program is how accountable it has made me. It has completely changed my mindset in terms of what I eat and when. Once I started recording my food, it's like someone propped my eyes open with toothpicks because I realized up until that point I was eating WAY more and of WAY worse stuff than I realized! It boggled my mind how much of a mindless eater I am, and how few nutrients I was actually getting on a daily basis. I have also realized that the IDEA of a healthy lifestyle is scarier than actually living a healthy lifestyle - I was so worried before I started that I'd be starving all the time, would never be able to eat out or treat myself, and that I would generally be miserable and want to naw my own arm off after 4 days. However it's the complete opposite! I CAN have that cookie or that piece of pizza; I CAN go out with friends. It's all about moderation and portions and planning. Anyway, I won't go on and on (because I could, trust me) but suffice to say I'm finding this new healthy eating plan really great for me and I'm already feeling better about how my body feels and looks. I'm keeping my fingers crossed to meet my 1st goal (5% of my weight, or approx. 9lbs) by the end of this month!

* I'm really enjoying my new job - I'm not sure if I have explained my recent career change on this blog, but basically I've been temping since September while I try to find a permanent position and it's been a tough slog. I won't go into all the details here, but suffice to say I worked an admin assistant position that I really didn't like (but unfortunately was my only/best choice at the time), that is I worked there until about mid-February when I was let go because they filled my position permanently. However, it worked out for the best because my temp agency (which is amazing by the way!!) found me another position at the University in a different department and doing work which is actually related to my degree and activities that I really enjoy. I'm still temping for now, but the job will be reposted in the next few months and I'll have the opportunity to apply. For now, I'm just trying my darndest to work really hard and prove myself because this is a really great opportunity I don't want to miss! So, I've been here now approx. 3 weeks and I can already see myself working here long-term. I'm currently assisting with planning a major Conference taking place the end of April so I'm quite busy with that (and slightly stressed!) but I'm learning SO much. I'm really excited to see where this opportunity takes me in the next few months...stay tuned!

* I have been spending more and more time with my lovely boy. I don't like to get too personal on here, but what I will say is that we have a lot of fun together and he is very sweet. We love to go on little adventures, like road trips and taking in events around town. He's great for my weight loss too because he really enjoys hiking as well so we've been going on hikes every weekend for at least 2 hours! Now that it's warming up here, we are able to stay out longer and go on more trails since they are not all snowed in. He has also turned me onto Geocaching, which I'm sort of becoming addicted to. If you have never heard of it or tried it, check out the website - it's a lot of fun and a great way to get outside for some fresh air and to explore the city/town/province/state where you live. We have found so many little hidden gems around Nova Scotia and Halifax that I had no idea existed (and I've lived here my whole life! Hello!). It's a HUGE pastime - I had no idea how many people were into it and that they are so serious about it. If you like to travel and explore and be outdoors, give it a try! If you do, add me as a friend (my username is shortfuuse).

* I've been generally trying to focus more on myself and my personal life lately - I gave up some extracurriculars in order to have more time, both to spend with myself and with others. I have been trying to spend more "me" time, either just relaxing, or doing activities I enjoy like painting and drawing (I've been trying to tap into my creative side more as it's been neglected a lot in recent years and I really miss it). I've also been making an effort to spend more time with my sister and keeping in touch with friends. This has been quite successful and I know it's made me feel more positive and fulfilled. This is still a work-in-progress, but my efforts so far have really made a difference.

So, that's what I've been up to. Like I said, life is good! I think it's important for all of us to re-evaluate our lives once in a while ; to ask ourselves what's working and what's not and try our best to weed out the things that aren't working and replace them with other things that would benefit more from our time and efforts. We are all guilty of spreading ourselves to thin at times, and over the wrong things. Having a million hobbies and obligations doesn't necessarily mean you're a more accomplished and happier person. Sometimes having less external "projects" on your plate is better because it allows you to focus on more important things (like relationships).

Thanks for sticking with me, y'all! I told you I'd be back didn't I? I never make a promise I can't keep! **

What is new in your life??


*Seriously, if you are trying to lose weight and can't find anything to work for you (and you haven't tried it already), TRY Weight Watchers! Know what the best part is? If you sign up for the Online option, you get a whole online profile that's similar to Facebook and a Blog! I'm blogging about my experience here (not sure if the link will work for non-members but give it a try and let me know). LOVE IT!!

**I have to say I've missed this little ol' blog of mine. I have been keeping up with others' posts and reading their blogs has made me nostalgic for mine. I miss having it as an outlet for my opinions and thoughts, and I miss connecting with other writers through my comments and discussions on places such as 20-Something-Bloggers. 
I guess I felt weird about coming back all of a sudden after being gone so long, but then I realized it's my blog and I can do what I want with it. Besides, that's one of the great things about blogging - you can do it as much or as little as you want! Since I've missed it and I've cleared out some of the mental clutter I discussed here, I decided it's a good time to get back into it. I'm just going to post when I feel like it and not put too much pressure on myself. This is kind of the way I'm living my whole life right now - I'm feeling very easygoing and positive - I've made a dent in some positive changes I've been meaning to tackle, and I'm feeling good about that and that good feeling is permeating throughout my life. I still have plans for this space that I may or may not tackle in the near future, but for now I'm just concerned with what makes me feel good, and no matter the format or agenda, it feels good to blog! So, that's what I'm gonna do!

I'm an "inextrovert"! What about you?

Man, I hate Mondays. I hate them even more after staying up until midnight to watch the Golden Globes. I always say I'm not going to stay up and watch the whole thing ("ok, next commerical break, I'm going to bed...") but I always end up doing it. I live-tweeted throughout the whole evening, which was actually fun! It was like sitting around chatting about the show in real time with your friends. Plus, making fun of celebrities is always a good time. I love how Ricky Gervais can make them squirm! Mwahaha.

Anyhoo, one thing I do like about Monday's is that it means the "Monday Morning Motivator" will be in my email inbox! I signed up for this weekly email a while back when I was researching career coaching. It's sort of an email "newsletter" sent out on Mondays by CareerJoy, a "Canadian Career Coaching Company", and it always contains a short headliner advice article that is usually an interesting read.

This week's email headliner, entitled "Yes, but I'm an introvert...", caught my eye. The article states:

"Are you an introvert or an extrovert? If you are in introvert you are in good company. Introverts make up around 25% of the population. Some famous introverts include, Barbara Walters, Warren Buffet & Pierre Trudeau. Carl Jung defined introverts as "inward turning" and extroverts as "outward turning." Introverts are more energized alone, extroverts are energized by people. The classic myth is introverts are not as good with people, as extroverts are. We are all social beings, introverts can in many ways be better with people, they tend to be better listeners, more creative and more analytical. There are many advantages to being "inward turning" I would argue that it has never been a better time to be an introvert. With the rise of social media tools like, blogging. Linkedin, twitter and Facebook, great platforms for the person who is more introverted by nature. Social media is an "introverts" paradise."

This article mainly caught my eye because I've always considered myself to be an introvert. But on the other hand, I would consider myself to be an extrovert in some situations. Generally, I'm a shy person who is really uncomfortable approaching strangers and it takes me a while to warm up to people. However, I also enjoy socializing, meeting new people and having conversations. Which side of me predominates really depends on the dynamics and circumstances of each individual situation. I cannot be around people all the time (I have to have alone time and some social situations give me major anxiety) but I also can't be alone all the time either (I start to go stir-crazy if I don't socialize for a while and I love just being "out" with people where things are happening).

I know this is a complete contradiction but I'm willing to bet that the majority of people are this way, i.e. a mixture of intro and extroversion.

The thing that really gets me is that being introverted in our society is sort of seen as a negative thing. As Alan says above, "The classic myth is introverts are not as good with people, as extroverts are", and as someone who has been  classified as "introverted" pretty much her entire life, this stereotype is frustrating. (this post sort of relates to this one, where I discuss my Myers-Briggs personality type).

In our society, introversion is generally associated with anti-socialness (or at least poor social skills), being uptight and conservative, risk-averse, and agoraphobic, whereas extroversion is associated with being fun, talkative, adventurous and charismatic. For some reason, if you have a quieter personality and are a listener or thinker rather than a talker, than you are seen as wierd, mysterious, or as an outsider. Someone who doesn't like people and isn't open to new ideas and experiences. Just try Googling "introvert" and check out the image results (lets just say many of them are depressing).

I have struggled with shyness and self-consciousness my entire life, and I still struggle with it. I've come a long way and I become more and more ok with it as I get older but this is probably something I will always have with me. I'm becoming more and more ok with the fact that it's part of who I am but I can't lie, it's frustrating not being one of those people who (seemingly) feels comfortable talking to anyone about anything.

Much of the frustration that comes from being a "quiet" person stems not so much from wanting to change this about myself but from the judgments that people make because of it. I've had so many people assume that I just don't like people, that I have nothing important to say, that I'm a "goody-goody" who is timid and weak and obviously those things are completely off-base. I have had people even assume that shyness is something that I chose, that I can just snap my fingers and magically be outgoing all the time. Trust me, if it were that easy I would have done it by now. I do agree that my shyness is something I can work on overcoming by putting myself outside my comfort zone (and I try to do that as much as possible), but it's a lot easier said than done.

I just think there is something to be said for being quiet at times. I think there is something to be said for holding some things back, for thinking and listening before talking, for observing rather than interacting, for taking time to recharge and reflect, for having fewer, closer friends rather than a humongous social circle. It doesn't mean I won't chew you out or stand up for myself/loved ones if I feel the need. And you might find this hard to believe, but I actually love going on adventures, having opinionated heated debates, and I've partied too hard many times (hey I've got "skydiving" on my "30 B4 30" list, ok?)

I'm sorry if this sounds sort of "rant-y" as I didn't intend it to be. I'm not trying to get on a soap-box here and rant about how no one understands me. I just wanted to say that (as a traditionally "introverted" person) I have had many people make assumptions about me based on that alone. I may be an introvert, but that's not all I am. And extroverts are much more than their general personalities, too. Human beings are extremely complex creatures and it's not as simple as sticking a label on someone's shoulder and calling it a day.
In any case, regardless of what categories you do or don't fit into, it's not about the cards you are dealt it's how you play them.

Just remember, in games of chance (like life) it is often the quiet, unassuming ones you have to watch out for! (mwahaha) *wink*

Auld Lang Syne

Ok, so this post is rather "late" compared to most of the blogosphere. But what do you want from me, my brain got into major "vacation mode" and I was not into doing much other than eating, sleeping and watching movies. Actually my brain is still in that mode, but unfortunately I was forced to come back to work today against my will. Anyhoo, I must say it was rather nice not to follow any blogs or any such thing for 10 days. It's good to "unplug" and give your brain a break once in a while...

But back to reality! New Year - New You. That is the current refrain on everyone's lips right now.

To be honest, I have mixed feelings about New Years resolutions - I think it's great to set goals for yourself and this is as good a time as any to do so, however I think many people put unnecessary pressure on themselves to meet very high, unrealistic expectations (trust me, I know; I have a lot of practice in this area). I think a lot of it is setting yourself up for failure, and what's the point in that? Also I think it's important to be constantly thinking about what you want to achieve and reevaluating that based on circumstances rather than painting yourself into a corner once a year because you feel like you should (but don't really want to).

It's possible to take stock and set goals for yourself without going overboard. It's important to be realistic about your personality and lifestyle, and what you can reasonably accomplish within those parameters. It's also important to place importance on small victories and not just huge, sweeping changes; you don't have to completely turn your life and who you are around in order to grow and challenge yourself.

Before the holidays when I was in a "gung-ho" mood, I made a huge list of resolutions I wanted to follow in the new year, complete with sub-goals and headings (dork alert!). But something shifted over the holidays so that when I looked at the list again a few days ago (keeping in mind that copious amounts of chocolate, gin and laying around could have something to do with my new apathetic attitude) I balked at the ambition of it. Again, nothing wrong with ambition, but there comes a point when ambition becomes crazy and goals become completely overwhelming and therefore, unachieveable.

I decided 'screw that' and decided to severely edit my list of goals.

Don't get me wrong, I still want to meet all of the goals on my original list at some point and they have not all been completely taken off the table. I just felt there were particular goals that were more immediately important than others. I can always revisit the others at another time, but I think it would foolish to put them all over my head right NOW. I am opting to "generalize" the list, both to leave wiggle-room and to not make my brain explode with pressure. I think this is more fair to me, and as a result I feel I'll be more likely to actually ACHIEVE these goals (and at a gradual pace, not overnight). I mean, that's the whole point of them, isn't it?

Some of these goals are ongoing and are things I'd like to work on over several years not just one, but I at least want to get the ball rolling on them. I have specific tactics in mind for some of these goals, but for many I'm leaving the specifics open; I have various ideas about how to achieve/work on them, but have yet to decide for sure which are best. Just as I am a work-in-progress, it is only fair to look at my goal-meeting as such.

In this spirit, I hereby present my (general) list of goals for 2011:

1. To relax - Generally speaking, I'm a worry-wart. I mull things over and over, look way too far ahead, obsess about silly details like what the people around me are thinking about me, what is going to happen with this or that, etc. I carry a lot of tension in my neck, jaw and shoulders and tie my stomach into indigestive knots. I can be a very anxious person and can actually make myself so nervous that my chest tightens, heart beats fast, breathing becomes laboured and my head hurts. Furthermore, I'm very impatient and can sometimes have a short fuse (e.g. I snap at my sister more than I should) so I need to work on stopping and checking myself before reacting.

The thing with my anxiety is, it's ALL in my head. It's how I REACT to the things around me rather than what is actually happening around me that causes this. And most of the time it's completely unwarranted. I want to learn to take things as they come, only worry about things when they happen (not before or after), be more spontaneous, laugh more, and think more positively.

Tactics to start: Contemplating giving meditation a try (someone turned me onto a 6 week workshop online that could be easy/good intro). Other than this, no specific tactics aside from practicing more positive/relaxed thinking. This is obviously something that will be tough to change but a mind-set IS something you can control if you really try and are patient, so those are two things I plan on doing (trying/being patient). This is an ongoing goal.

2. To lose weight - I know, I know EVERYONE wants to do this at the beginning of a new year, but this is an issue I've struggled with for a few years now. It's nothing new; I attempted to kick myself in the butt last year but only lost about 5lbs and completely fell off the wagon after about a month. This, of course, is the constant dance for overweight people - one step forward, two steps back. All you can do is pick yourself up, run after that wagon and get back on as many times as it takes. I'm certainly not excited about this goal and who really knows if I will stick with it this time either, but I have to try and a new year seems as good a time as any to start. Besides, I have a couple of things in my favour: One, I'm actually a fairly healthy person - I don't have any chronic health problems, food allergies or medications that add fuel to the fire. Two, I have a small frame, which means I can lose less weight and make a bigger difference to my physique (compared to taller, larger framed people). I don't need to make a HUGE life change in order to look and feel better - I just need to make some small daily changes, and stick with them beyond a few weeks.

Tactics to start: I would like to focus on losing 10 lbs to start, as I feel this will make a huge difference in how I look and feel and meeting this goal will motivate me to go further (though I should note it's not so much about the number on the scale as how I feel and how my clothes fit). To start, I'm simply going to limit my sugar and carb intake (I eat A LOT of this kind of stuff), focus on eating more veggies and protein, and get more regular exercise (I currently walk to work, but I also need to build muscle by working with weights a few times a week and doing more consistent activity (e.g. I sit all day at work so need to make more effort to get up and move outside work hours). I would like to get back into yoga (once p. week) if I can find an inexpensive, convenient class or some other workout class (I took Zumba a couple of times in the Fall and it was really fun). Until a get a new job (see 3rd goal below), I will be limited to exercise options that are either free or close to free, but I can always take walks or hikes, and watch workout dvd's or videos online. One thing I know I need is variety and flexibilty so I will most likely change up my workout routine each week/month depending on my schedule and options. Other tactics include: family friends are doing a weight loss challenge I am thinking of participating in. I would also like to become better at cooking and this will relate because I will be (ideally) eating more home-cooked meals. Other small daily gestures such as taking the stairs, drinking lots of water, and not buying junk when I get groceries will also help keep healthy eating habits going. This is an ongoing goal.

3. To make strides in my professional life - 2010 was an extremely frustrating and demeaning year in this area. Long story short is I have been struggling to find a job since last March with no luck and with constant refrains of "you don't have enough experience". Basically, my career is non-existent. The last half of 2010 I did a lot of reflecting, thinking, researching, talking to people, etc, to attempt to figure out what I want from this part of my life in the long-term, while conducting a job search in the background. So, technically this is a goal that has already been put into motion and I simply want to continue building on it in 2011. I have two job possibilities that I'm currently waiting on, so a lot depends on what happens with those. In any case this is something I really hope to make progress on in 2011 because having a good career is really important to me and I feel I've paid my dues.

Tactics to start: First order of business is to find a new full-time job (my current temp position does not pay enough - I'm struggling financially - not to mention it's completely devoid of challenge, creativity or flexibility, which are all things I need in a career). Once this happens, I will go from there, but I know one of the first things I will want to do is improve my financial stability (buy an RRSP, pay off debt, develop a strict budget, start putting money into savings). In addition, I haven't taken the possibility of further education off the table. I have a couple of options in mind (I wrote about my explorations in this area here and the advice really helped me come to some realizations), but am leaning towards a program I can complete part-time and through self-study so that I will be able to continue working full-time during completion. I would simply like to expand my skill-set and have a service I can begin offering on the side to make extra money and keep my career options open. This is an ongoing goal that will continue to morph based on developments over the next couple of months.

I have many other goals, both large and small, that I would love to achieve this year (paint and draw  more regularly, work harder at cultivating new friendships, build the blog), but I figured these three were enough to focus on, at least for now. Again, it's all about being realistic and not putting too much pressure on myself. Also, I know that if I improve in these three areas that the empowerment, increased self-esteem and improved physical/mental well-being I will (hopefully) experience will reverberate throughout all areas of my life and therefore make achieving some of the other smaller, more specific goals easier.

*EEK! Sorry for the long-windedness! Perhaps that's something I should work on in 2011 too...*

Here's to challenging yourself and always striving to grow and live fully!

What are your goals for 2011? Do you make new years resolutions?

It's No Surprise to Me, I'm My Own Worst Enemy

I've been thinking a lot lately about fear and what holds me back. This year has been a real struggle for me on a personal level - I've learned a lot but I've also felt the most lost and overwhelmed that I've ever felt in my life. When I was younger, I always felt like I had some sort of direction and trajectory in life and I always seemed to know what path would be a good one for me to take. However, I feel that sometime in the past 6 months or so, the rug got pulled out from under me and I was left on my back, gasping for air and disoriented. I dropped my compass somewhere along the way and have been desperately digging through the brush to try and find it with no luck (got stabbed by a lot of thorns though).

And the thing is, though the main precursor to this personal struggle is career, this loss of direction is not really rooted in any particular event or experience. No one "did" anything to me and no major tragedy occured in my life per se. No one SNATCHED the compass from my hand and threw it out of my reach. I dropped it. I lost it (albeit unintentionally).

And somehow, somewhere I let the disorientation and feelings of failure take over and hold me back from going as far as I can go.

I've never been a confident person - in fact, I've always struggled with shyness and self-consciousness and I've always been a slave to my fears that I wouldn't be good enough or that I don't have enough to offer. I've never been what I would call a "fighter". I've always tried and pushed myself, but most of the time only so far. It's not often that I've pushed farther than is comfortable or farther than others around me who I perceived as more this and better at that than me.

I have come a long way in the self-respect department in the past few years, and as such my confidence has certainly improved, but I'm still not as brave as I'd like to be.

Luckily I always had opportunities come my way and enough people to believe in me that it always seemed I'd be going places. This is no longer the case. This year I either found myself with no one to believe in me and give me a chance or people to believe in me a LITTLE bit but not as much as they do in someone else. All of a sudden I was (and am) in the position of having to believe in myself that much more in order to fight to make others believe in me.

And I realized I don't necessarily have that in me. Or if I do, it's buried too far down for me to see and grasp clearly. I started out fighting but as the rejections piled up and rewards for my efforts seemed further and further afield I didn't want to fight anymore. I curled up into a ball, pulled the blankets over my head and decided if I wasn't going to get anywhere than why bother trying?!

So, now here I sit.

This isn't a sob story; this isn't meant to be a treatise entitled "oh poor me" to incite pity. This is meant to illustrate what my mind-set was up until about a week ago. You see, sometime in the past week between reflecting and talking to people and reading and researching, I realized that for at least a couple of months I have settled into a passive state. Subconsciously, I became so fed up with trying and not getting anywhere and thinking and coming up with no logical conclusions (at least not ones that lasted) that I decided to give up. I said "screw it" to life and have been settling for less than I deserve and want.

Well that stops RIGHT NOW.

The real issue is (and one that has affected me my entire life) that I'm my own worst enemy. No one holds me back from going as far as I can go except ME. Sure, opinions and words of others can affect my self-confidence, but for the most part it's my OWN opinions and thoughts that affect me the most. I am the one that lets the feelings of doubt and drowning take over and I am the one that expects the most from me.

And I guess that's what it all comes down to, isn't it? Expectations. I (and I think probably lots of others too) place ones on myself that are very very high; higher than anyone else will ever place them. So, I guess I'm feeling so lost and frustrated, not because I disappointed other people and didn't live up to their standards, but because I disappointed myself. I'm disappointed that I gave up and that I let a few roadblocks stump me and prevent me from moving forward. I may not be the bravest or most confident, but I still pride myself on being a tough, perserverant, mature, level-headed person so I'm not happy that I fell through on these character strengths.

So what if I got a little lost? So what if no one sees what I can offer and won't give me a chance to prove what I can do? I can prove my worth to myself by just DECIDING on a plan, forging a new path and striding along it confidently. At least I'll be doing something - I won't be sitting back anymore and letting life happen to me and strike me down. I'll be moving forward, which is something I've always been good at.

I still feel lost and overwhelmed, and being brave is something I still need a lot of practice in but I feel a lot less lost and overwhelmed having come to these realizations, and having come up with a short-term plan. I feel I have grabbed back a bit more control (and really this is appropriate because aren't WE the ones that have the most control in our lives?!). Each time I am brave and conquer my fear I feel less afraid.

I am slowly finding bearings again - they weren't the same bearings I had before (seems as though I found someone else's compass in the dirt) but at least they are bearings. I have a new direction, and one that I chose myself, FOR myself.

Now that I'm out of my own way, the path is clear (or at least a hell of a lot clearer than it was!)

What is holding you back from moving forward? Are you YOUR own worst enemy? How do you move forward when you're feeling "stuck" and lost?

The Middle

People of the Internet - lend me your advice!! (would'ya?). I'm trying to make a major decision, and in true me fashion, I'm having trouble with it. I've talked to friends and family members already, but sometimes it's good to get points of view from completely objective people who don't really know you, who have nothing to gain or lose and have no emotions tied up in the decision (though even if you know me personally, I still welcome your opinion).

I have contemplated going back to school for a while now. My struggle finding a job in Public Relations (which is what I actually have a degree in) has opened my eyes to the fact that I'm not sure the field is entirely for me, and I'm also in the crappy position of not having enough experience, but no one willing to GIVE me the experience I need. I'm stuck. So, I feel like I need a change and that I need to upgrade my skills; switch gears a bit or maybe start over. It's a good time to do it as I'm single and don't really have any obligations tying me down (no mortgage, car or kids). I also am still young enough that going back to school won't be an enormous adjustment and when I get out I'll still have a good 30 years of career-building to look forward to.

However, I'm very torn as to what kind of education I should get. At this moment, I'm torn between two completely different possibilities - two possibilities that each have their own merits and their own disadvantages.

On the one hand, I could go back to college (not University) and take a 2 year diploma in Graphic Design, which is something I already have experience in, is related to my existing degree, and is something I think I could be really good at (it's already been proven that I have the basic skills and talent to do well in such a field). This is the main possibility I've been considering up until now. On the other hand, I could take a more ambitious route and take a Bachelors degree in Nursing, which is a field I don't have as much experience in, but do think it would be a rewarding field that could open up a lot of interesting doors for me. My current temp job is actually at a local University in the School of Nursing, funnily enough, and I guess interacting with the students and faculty and doing some research into the field has sort of opened my eyes to this possibility (and perhaps it's not a coincidence that I ended up working there??? Hmmm...)

I have gone over and over and over this in my mind and I'm just not getting anywhere. This is where you come in - I would really appreciate any advice, comments or insights that any of you can provide in the comments below. I realize many of you may not have any experience or insight into EITHER field, but you still may have a unique perspective or remind me of some points I'm not considering! One option I've considered is applying to one and if that doesn't work out then pursuing the other option (for example, attempting to get into Nursing - the more competitive of the two - and if I don't get in, then pursuing GD), but I just don't know.

Here I will list the positive and negative points for each option that I'm currently considering:

GRAPHIC DESIGN: *smaller risk*
- shorter program (would be out by age 29, less investment)
- less expensive (but depends on what program and expenses - may have to get a new laptop, buy software, etc, and this could all add up; plus it could generally be harder to get work in the field, and chances are starting salaries would be medicore - could be harder to pay off debt)
- already have a base of skills and experience; would be fairly easy to apply and get in
- passion for the field (doing something creative professionally really appeals to me, as well as eventually cutting myself off from "the man" and working for myself); and could combine with other passions - writing, blogging, fashion - to develop some interesting projects or offer some valuable services; plus I like the idea of working//collaborating with other creative people
- could complete program away or at home
- no opportunities to study/volunteer abroad, which is something I'd like to do

NURSING: *bigger risk*
- longer program (4 years vs. 2 - would be age 31 when completed)
- more expensive (but pretty much guaranteed a job with a good salary upon graduation, and this is a field that will only grow and create more jobs)
- no previous experience (I've barely been in a hospital my entire life)
- could be very hard to get into the program (haven't taken science courses since high school and even then they weren't my favourite, there would most likely be an interview so I'd have to prove why I should be chosen over others; plus there are limited spots available so could end up on a wait list)
- not sure I have the passion for it or would be "cut out" for it (like that I would be able to help people and would be positively contributing to society, but don't feel it's a "calling" for me - also it's a tough job (could involve shift work, on your feet all day, dealing with emotional issues like death and serious illness, not to mention gross things like "bodily fluids", touching total strangers, etc) *I do feel, however, that I could develop a passion for this field (but there's of course the worry that this wouldn't happen and I'd end up hating it)*
- could complete the program anywhere and work anywhere upon graduation; also like the idea of being able to volunteer/study abroad (e.g. health initiatives in Africa, research projects); further to this my mom is a nurse, so she could be a great resource/contact, and my brother/sister-in-law could as well (they both work at the BC Cancer Agency - sister-in-law as Assistant to the Nursing Director), and I could talk to profs/staff through my work to gain insight into whether it would be a good choice for me
- could be an interesting lifelong career (don't necessarily have to work in a hospital - could do research, admin work, combine with current PR degree, start my own business, write books - lots of opportunity to grow)

That's all I can think of so far. I think the crux of this debate is whether I should take a smaller risk (i.e. choose the "safer" option) and avoid a lot of extra work and stress (though there's no guarantee of that), or take a bigger risk and (possibly) get bigger rewards? Or maybe there are other fields related to the above that might be a good fit for me but I'm just not aware of them or thinking of them? Have at it in the comments!

So, which one would you pick if you were me??

(very much appreciate the comments in advance)

*Not sure if you noticed, but I didn't post yesterday - and frankly, this posting every day thing is just too much for me, so I'm not gonna do it anymore. I'm still participating in NaBloPoMo, but will only post when I have something of value to say. This makes much more sense, and really who cares as long as you're blogging?*

Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

So, officially have two days down at the new (temp) job, and honestly it's not going the best so far. The gals in the office are nice, walking to work has been awesome, and I finally have at least a little bit of money coming in.

However, my brain is also ready to explode from all the information it has taken in, I'm feeling very stupid and frustrated because I can't answer any questions and I don't know where the bleep anything is.

Overall the best way to describe the way I'm feeling is this: lost.

I'm feeling lost right now.

I realize I just started the new job and this feeling will pass with time - lord knows I've been the "new" person enough times to know this - but that's cold comfort when you're in the "newbie" state of mind (not New York, New-Bie).

And to tell you the truth, I'm not just feeling lost in this job, I'm feeling lost in life. Period. I've been keeping my eye out on marketing/communications jobs listings in my area and making note of ones that sound interesting, since as of now I'm not planning on staying where I am forever. But nothing has really caught my eye. No jobs have jumped out at me from the screen and made me think, "wow! That sounds perfect for me!" or "that sounds really fun/rewarding/interesting, etc". There has been a few that have made me think, "that sounds...ok/pretty good/not bad, etc", but no "wow's".

Now, I'm a realist. I realize it's hard to find a "wow/perfect" job, and most people never find it. I know I should be content with having any job. I also realize I'm only 25 and have "lots" of time to figure this out (or at least that's what other people tell me all the time). But the fact is I'm not content with "just having a job" anymore. And sure, right now I'm only 25, but this is the time in my life when I should be cultivating a career and laying the groundwork for future success. And that's just not happening.

And the more I think about it, the more jobs I peruse, and the more people I talk to, the more I realize that the issue is not the jobs.

The issue is not that there are no good jobs out there right now for me, or no good jobs period. The issue is I HAVE NO SWEET CLUE WHAT JOB I REALLY WANT OR WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE.

This is nothing new; I've never claimed to have my life all figured out or to have a plan for what dreams to follow. I have NEVER really known what I want to do. But by the time I finished my Public Relations degree, I thought it was a field I could see myself in. I thought I could make a career out of it, and that maybe (just maybe) I had found my niche (or at least close enough to it that I could be satisfied). But now I'm not so sure. Now I'm faced with feeling lukewarm about any job in this field that I stumble upon, being close to 26 years old and not really having any concrete experience in the field, and therefore being denied access to opportunities that could potentially give me more experience...because I don't have enough experience.

Capiche?

Anyway, the point is I JUST DON'T KNOW. In a way, I'm glad I am doing temp work right now because I'm thinking this is maybe a good time for me to reexamine my professional life. Maybe it's time for a change. I've been focusing on a field because that's what my degree is in (basically) and it's not working; so perhaps it's a sign that it's not right for me.

The trouble is I have no clue what IS right for me. I know what I like - I like to write, I like blogging and connecting with people through social media, I like mobility and freedom, I like helping people and feeling valuable/dependable, I like challenges, I like to try new things, I like to be creative and to use new, unique methods for completing tasks. I also know what I don't like - I don't like monotony, I don't like people looking over my shoulder while I work, I don't like close-mindedness or rigidness, I don't like manipulation or secrecy, and I don't like bureaucracy or hierarchy.

It's pretty much impossible to find a job that allows all of the above. And even if it were possible, I would have no idea what the actual job would look like, what it would be called or where it would be. The more I think about it, the more I think I should and could go into business for myself. I'm very attracted to the freedom of this option, being my own boss and being able to control what work I do and when, and being able to have a more personal connection to my clients or whomever I "serve".

However, working for yourself also means saying "bye bye" to financial stability and probably having a lot of doors slammed in your face before any are opened widely. The fear of failure is terrifying. Besides, aside from the fears, if you are going to start a business or start a new career period, you have to know WHAT kind of business or new career you want to start. Knowing what you like and don't like, and what your strengths and weaknesses are isn't enough. You have to know what shape and title should be attached to your personal set of strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes. You have to know how to combine your desires and your qualities into a particular vocation. And (I hate to sound like a broken record, but) I JUST DON'T KNOW.

I don't mean to complain or whine about how hard my life is and WAH WAH WAH. I have a very good life and for the most part I am happy that I have ANY job. But I just can't shake the feeling that I'm not doing what I'm "supposed" to be doing. That there are opportunities out there for me if I only knew where to look and what to look for. When it comes right down to it, I don't just want a JOB. I want a CAREER. I want a PASSIONATE PROFESSIONAL LIFE. I know it's silly and completely counterintuitive to the inate unfairness of life, but I just want to feel like I'm doing something important with my time and that I'm making enough money to be comfortable, but that I'm doing it for some valuable reason.

I'm basically just venting here; sending my worries and thoughts into the "void", but I would also love some feedback. Any advice, thoughts, suggestions you might have about how to get out of this funk, things I can try to get a better idea of what jobs I might be good at or what skills I can cultivate further and eventually develop into a career...anything really! Please share. I need direction. If nothing else, it's helpful to hear I'm not alone and hopeless.

THIS is why I have a sore throat. And in case you didn't know, there are no paid sick days with temp work.

Who Are You? (I Really Wanna Know)

I applied for a job yesterday that recommended I list my "Myers Briggs Type" in my application, since it is a position that requires writing/editing/research skills. I was intrigued, both because I had never been asked to submit such a thing for a job application, and also because I have always wondered what my type is and this would be a good excuse to find out!

Here is my result: I am INFJ - Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging

I am sometimes skeptical of these "personality tests"; you have to wonder how accurate they really are and more to that what the point is. Googling my Type yielded various definitions, with different titles (including Counselor, Protector, etc) so it's hard to say what the exact definition of my Type is. However, generally I found the main traits listed for my Type match my actual personality quite accurately. I was pleasantly surprised.

Here are some of the traits that I felt were most accurate (taken from this profile which puts me in the category "The Protectors"):

* take things in primarily via intuition; know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand; put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions
* protective of their inner selves; deep, complex, quite private and typically difficult to understand; hold back part of themselves, can be secretive.
* perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential; rarely at complete peace with themselves; believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments; have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families
* place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world; constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives; not good with money or practical day-to-day life necessities (that's not true - I'm good at spending money! I'm also good at eating, which is a very practical daily necessity!)
* are usually right, and they usually know it (hah! Well, not going to argue with that!)
* gentle, caring, artistic, creative; genuinely warm; good listener
* hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring; concerned for people's feelings, try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone; very sensitive to conflict, which may drive them into a state of agitation or charged anger; tend to internalize conflict and experience health problems as a result; don't believe in compromising their ideals; take commitments seriously; seek long-term relationships but can easily move on after a relationship is ended.
* usually works in areas where they can be creative and independent; natural affinity for art, not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks.

Obviously, it can be hard to be objective when it comes to your own personality, but for the most part I feel I'm a very self-aware person who is accepting of both her strengths and weaknesses and I would say all of the above is BANG ON.

I find this so interesting! I also think it's interesting that these types of tests are not used more often. WHY have I never been asked to submit this information in a job application before? If you think about it, these standardized tests can be a more accurate portrait of a person and their strengths/weaknesses than a cover letter and resume because they are more objective.

Obviously, these tests are not completely unbiased because there is no guarantee the "testee" (tee hee) is answering the questions honestly, but at the same time, the questions are in such a format that it would be hard for the applicant to manipulate their answers in order to come out with a specific result, i.e. the type that the employer is most looking for. For one, the test is made up of "yes" and "no" questions that give no indication of what category your answer will place you in (unlike other tests, such as multiple choice, which I would say are easier to predict), and secondly there is no way of  knowing what Type the employer is even looking for, if they are in fact looking for a particular one.

Of course, I'm not suggesting that all employers should be requiring applicants to complete the Myers Briggs test. All I'm saying is the test could be an easy and interesting way to find out more about a person's character and to remove some of the bias that exists in the hiring process (on both sides).

Human beings are obviously much more complex than a 72-question test can reveal - a lot of how we act depends on the circumstances and mood of individual situations. But I also feel that sometimes 'who we are' is staring us right in the face but we don't see it until it's revealed in an honestly answered questionnaire.

Fun factoid: Only about 1% of the population are the INFJ type! How cool is that?! So, either I'm really special or really "special", if you know what I mean.

Have you ever taken the Myers Briggs test? What is your Type? Is it accurate? How would you feel about including your Type in a job application?

If you wish to take the test, you can do so here - give it a try; you might learn something about yourself!

It's My Party, and I'll Cry If I Want To

Today is sort of my last day at work. I say sort of because next Friday (Sept 3rd) is my last day in the office, but tonight is my "Goodbye Party". Yes, my boss wanted to have a party for me to say goodbye (and not because she's just THAT happy to see me finally leave...though actually I don't know that 100%...hmm....)

Anyway...

This is why I'm going to miss working here - because I work with the kind of people who want to throw a PARTY for me. ME! I've never had this happen before - heck at my last job I was barely given the space/time to clean out my desk. Generally, I hate being the centre of attention so at first the suggestion of having a party just for me made me cringe, but for the most part it made me all warm and fuzzy inside. I felt like having a Sally Field moment and yelling "You like me! You really like me!" (but I didn't - at least not out loud).

I feel very lucky that I even have a job, let alone one that has allowed me the freedom, support and genuine caring that I've experienced here. Of course, I don't technically HAVE a job anymore, which doesn't make me feel so lucky, but I'm still grateful for the experience I have had here. Honestly I wasn't that drawn to this job when it first fell into my lap about 15 months ago - frankly, I took it because I was unemployed and desperately broke so I really only saw it as a way to pay the bills. Little did I know how much I would learn about myself (my strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, etc), how openly the "family" would welcome me into the fold, how patient everyone would be while I attempted to fill some large shoes (whose owner had gone on mat leave), and how many fun, creative projects I would have the chance to work on.

In addition, I had no idea that my boss would turn out to be the best I've ever had. She has always made me feel valued, cared for, productive, and trusted, not to mention has always put my quality of life at the top of the list and in that vein has given me free time and space when I need it, no questions asked.

So, needless to say this party will be bittersweet for me. I'm not looking forward to leaving and I'll be sad to not be a part of this group anymore (I'll be sad to no longer have a job, period). However, I will still be helping them out on a contract basis here and there, so my foot will be kept in the door. And for the most part, I feel very positive about the whole thing because I'm very grateful I at least had this experience. I know first-hand how tough it is to find any job, let alone one that you enjoy and that allows you to work with people you enjoy as well. This is rare, and I'm privileged to have found it, even for a short time.

I've been feeling down lately about my job situation (or lack thereof), among other things and I'm very unsure of the future at the moment. But I'm determined to not to let this get me down. I have decided I'm going to try and stay positive no matter what. The drive for this comes from the gratefulness I feel re. the above, but also from a desire to come out on the other side rather than be mowed down.

I've been using various tactics to stay positive and one activity I've started doing that I would recommend to anyone is writing a list of "Affirmations" at the end of each day. This is a list of 10 positive things that happened that day and it's as simple as that. I started it as a way to train my brain to focus on the positive rather than the negative (which is tough for me as I tend to be naturally cynical and pessimistic). At first, I was worried it would be really hard to come up with 10 things every time and I decided I'd settle for coming up with more than one, but each day I have been able to draft a list quite quickly; I've found that once I start, the affirmations literally SPILL from my brain and out the pen! Even yesterday when I was feeling probably the most down I've felt all week and thought to myself "ugh, it's going to be tough to come up with 10 things tonight", I had 10 things listed in the blink of an eye! I was, and am, shocked at how such a small action can help so much.

It's sort of silly and there's no way of knowing whether it will actually help in the long run, but I truly think that if I keep it up, eventually my brain's thoughts will conform automatically to positive thinking, at least most of the time. If anything, it ends my day on a high note and allows me to go to sleep content and ready to tackle the morning, and that can never be a bad thing. I need all the positive thinking I can muster right now, and I am sure it will only come back to me in the long run.

Even if it doesn't, I will be satisfied just knowing I tried to fight the blues and had wonderful people behind me the entire time.

(This all being said, I'm still not looking forward to the "goodbye" part of the party. Ah well, at least there will be booze)