Yes, I'm Still Alive (in case anyone was wondering)

Well, it's been a while since I've posted! As you can imagine from this, the past couple of weeks have been really busy - away for work a few times plus planning/executing my best friend's bachelorette party - so posting has just been like LAST on the priority list. I have to make sure I don't do this often though because I found once I broke the routine I also started to lose the drive to blog. Well, not entirely, but my motivation definitely went down, and only in a week! That's how it is with me for most things - I have to make it routine in order for me to stick with it; once it's routine, I've got it down, but it's making it routine that's the tough thing.

Anyway, yadda yadda yadda. Back to the usual (sort of) schedule now. Though I'm sort of torn about what to write about - I feel I've sort of lost the focus of this blog since I started doing my Motivation Monday posts, and the occasional Mama Kat's writer's workshops and Curious Tuesdays - I started this blog as an outlet for my thoughts and opinions, and as a way to practice writing, in more of an essay-style format. But it's sort of become an amalgam of frivolous posts borrowed from others and with no real "content" (NOT knocking blogs that have a more "fun", everyday life focus, I think to each his own, but it's just not really what I had in mind for mine, at least not for ALL posts). I just feel I need to re-focus.

Actually I feel I need to re-focus my entire life right about now to be honest. I'm at a very contemplative time in my life right now for several reasons: I'm still not at ALL happy with how I look - my diet and exercise plan has gone completely out the window. The past couple of weeks with travelling and just plain stress I've eaten nothing but crappy food and haven't been exercising as much as I should. I'm back up to 170 lbs, which I can't say I'm surprised about, but certainly not happy. I'm going to get right back on the horse again because that's what I do but it's with a heavy heart. All I could think of looking at the bachelorette photos was how fat I look, as sad as that is.

I've just had a lot going on this month, and a lot of worries so I've been doing a lot of thinking and trying to figure some things out. Maybe once I do that I'll get back on the diet bandwagon with more gusto, but I just can only seem to manage so much motivation right now. Well, I do feel I'm doing a good job of appearing motivated, sometimes SO good that I even convince myself briefly that I really am feeling upbeat, but when it comes right down to it underneath I'm just not feeling it; my mind is otherwise preoccupied with many decisions.

I don't mean to get all boo-hoo, poor me but I'm just venting - sending my thoughts out into the void, if you will. If for no reason than to get them out of my head! Speaking of getting them out of my head, I bought a journal today - yes, apparently they make them with real paper that you can write on with a thing called a pen; cool, eh? - because I thought maybe writing down what's on my mind, and just ideas I have randomly might help me order my thoughts a little, not to mention record any writing ideas I have and provide inspiration. A way to bring order to my brain in a way. We'll see if I actually stick with it considering my track record with other things, but we'll see!

I'd be curious to hear from anyone reading this who keeps a journal and your thoughts on it - do you find it helpful? How often do you write? What kinds of things do you write? Do you have a formula, or are your notes very random and disorderly?

I highly doubt anyone's reading this anyway since it's such a downer, but regardless, I'm glad to say I'm back to blogging! I'm confident I'll have some more upbeat things to discuss in coming days, once I figure some things out. For now, Happy Weekend (well, what's left of it)!