Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Falling in Love (is hard on the knees)

I was reading this post on one of my favourite blogs today (as I often do...well, if you call every day often), writing a comment in agreement with her post, and I realize I had an opinion I wanted to run with (again as I often do). So...well, I suppose it would be easier for me if I just showed you rather than told you - here's my comment (you may wanna also read the post linked above so that you get the gist of the issue being discussed):

I totally agree with all your points above! I’m going to be 26 in December and I’m single and NOWHERE CLOSE to getting married anytime soon. I live in my own place and have for over 1 year and a half, and seriously (though it sucks being broke a lot of the time) it was one of the best decisions ever. And this is coming from someone who FIRST moved out with her bf of only 8 mths when neither of them had ever lived on their own. BAD IDEA!! As you can imagine, we only lasted another 5 or 6 mths after that, but the good news is we’re now good friends and I got the chance to live totally on my own and I’ve grown so much. I was always a mature person, but I’ve matured even more and realized just how tough and perserverant I am. It’s been much easier to “find myself” without someone else “distracting” me…..hmm you know what?! This has my brain going, I’m going to do a whole post on this!! haha xo *

*(And AGAIN as I often do, I wrote a novel when a 3 sentence comment would do)

As promised, I'm going to continue my comment in this post. I feel like talking about this issue is a bit like beating a dead horse (I've discussed this issue before on my blog and other issues similar to it), but I also think there's a reason for that. This is an issue that I'm constantly confronted with at this stage in my life and it frustrates me.

I'm just going to come right out with it...

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY in the 21st-century do young women STILL place so much importance on getting married?! On having a wedding?! I. Don't. Get. It.

Now before you jump down my throat, I'm not saying getting married or having a wedding is a BAD thing. In fact, I love weddings - they can be really fun, romantic and elegant events and I think if you've found someone you are committed to loving for life that it's wonderful to celebrate that with your loved ones.

However, I don't think getting married or having a wedding is something that someone HAS to do.
I don't think it's something that should be rushed into.
I don't think it's something that one should pay the equivalent of the GDP of CHINA for.
I don't think you should revolve your entire wedding around other people and what they feel is best.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that wedding marketing as a whole is primarily targeted to women. NOT to couples. Women. Of course, part of the reason for this is that the brides traditionally manage the majority of the wedding planning. However, I also feel it's because women just care about weddings more.

And why not?! You get to be a princess for a day, you get to be the centre of attention and of a large circle of love and admiration, you get to dress up more elegantly than you ever have before.

But in the end it's just a wedding. It's one day of your life. I'm not saying it's not an important day, but it's not THE MOST important. People seem to forget that the wedding is over pretty quick and that you have a lifetime (if all works out) to look forward to afterwards. I mean what's more important, one perfect day or a hundred thousand great ones (with a few shitty ones thrown in for good measure - c'est le vie, non')?

Anyway, I want to make it very clear that I'm not wedding or bride bashing here. I'm just trying to provide some perspective because (as I mentioned) it seems to me that lately I'm surrounded by "wedding talk" in various forms. And by lately I mean pretty much ever since I turned 24. Perhaps it's just me, but I doubt it. I've talked to others my age (both attached and not) and I'm not alone in my opinions.

When it comes right down to it, my motto is "to each his (or her) own". I just know that a wedding (and a marriage) is not necessarily something I want. I'm not saying it's something I DON'T want. I'm just not sure. And I guess I'm just not in any rush. I realize I am single and "haven't met the right person" (as people keep telling me) but even if I had, I feel that it wouldn't matter because this is a time of self-discovery. I'm enjoying being on my own because it's allowing me to connect to the person that (ultimately) I'm truly stuck with for life -  ME! I feel like I'm still figuring myself out, what I want, what I don't want, where I want to be in 5 or 10 years, settling into the perfect career for me, etc. In other words, I'M LIVING, or trying to. I don't know that I want a wedding because I don't know what I want in life!

This is a time for commitment to me, as cheesy as that sounds. Do I want to settle down eventually? Well, of course I do. Of course I want to find a special person who "gets" me and that I "get", that respects me and encourages me, and who makes me a better person. I want to build a life with someone and have a companion to talk to and build a portfolio of experiences with. I'm human, and ALL humans want this.

But, when it comes right down to it, I don't need a piece of paper with some signatures on it and an overpriced buffet dinner to prove that I love someone and want to commit to them forever. I can just tell them this myself (and him to me) and save a lot of money and stress (did I mention save money?). Also, I guess it's not about not wanting a wedding, it's about wanting a wedding that is "me", and that means "non-traditional".

Gah, who knows?! I'm a cynic, I'm the first one to admit that, so perhaps I just need to lighten up.

Seriously though, to all of you past brides and brides-to-be out there, to all of you who are currently swooning over invitations and seating plans or have in the past, to all of you who have found the person you believe to be "the one", I just want to say this: Congratulations. I'm happy for you. Enjoy. You are very lucky.

But if one more of you looks at me with a pouty face and says "aw, don't worry, you'll find someone too" (or something similar) I swear to God I will slap that pretty white tulle off your head so fast it'll make your head spin straight into your Silver Anniversary party.

(Please don't hurt me, ladies)

7 comments:

Allison said...

Kim, I totally agree with you. Weddings are out of control. Now I love fancy events and stuff, but all the parties, the showers, bachelors, bachelorettes...it's madness.

I can see how easy it is to get swept up by wedding fever - but seriously people, why bother?

I think some girls just want the ring and the wedding and forget what they're actually signing up for.

pennyjars said...

Ha ha, some good points, Kim. One day I'll attack the wedding day blog post, but...not today.

This is a great blog, I can feel the life of a "twenty-something" pulsing through it--that's a good thing. Sometimes I take myself far too seriously and forget the beat.

Keep runnin' free!

Kim Humes said...

Aw thanks for the loverley comment, penny! I really enjoy your blog as well!

omg Al I didn't even think about the events attached to the wedding, like the showers, etc. I know from experience planning my bff's shower and bachelorette this past spring that it gets frigin expensive really quickly!

Jennifer said...

Hey Kimmy! Great post.

My wedding is July 2011 and I hope you'll be there :-)

Anyway I'm with you on the expense of it all and I'm actually keeping mine fairly simple and have been looking at blogs for inspiration.

I wasn't in a hurry to get married, actually. I wanted to start a family first and buy my house LOL
The wedding component is last HAHAHA. I'll be 31 so I'm definitely not a 20 something bride. I'm happy with that because I know this is truly what I want. We already know we can live together, raise a child together, pay bills, work together etc. etc. And we do it happily, that makes me confident in our decision to get married and have a wedding. At the same time, it will be nice when it's a happy memory in a lovely photo album haha

I've been in your shoes as a bridesmaid, so I've chosen a dress for the girls that is relatively inexpensive and a black cocktail style that can totally be worn again and again. The bachelorette is going to be a girls night at a cottage that everyone will go in on.

But I'm a little older than the average bride and have a child and mortgage to pay, so I'm probably a little more realistic in my wedding planning goals. Definitely not going wedding crazy, but it will still be nice.

Honestly, I think the 20 something wedding frenzy fades over time as more friends get married and other's don't. People start to relax and settle into their lives.

People feeling sorry and telling you that you too will find someone, does sound annoying. But remember, you don't have to defend or explain yourself to anyone. It's your life!

And you're 100 percent right, it is after all, just one day!

Jennifer said...

Hey Kimmy! Great post.

My wedding is July 2011 and I hope you'll be there :-)

Anyway I'm with you on the expense of it all and I'm actually keeping mine fairly simple and have been looking at blogs for inspiration.

I wasn't in a hurry to get married, actually. I wanted to start a family first and buy my house LOL
The wedding component is last HAHAHA. I'll be 31 so I'm definitely not a 20 something bride. I'm happy with that because I know this is truly what I want. We already know we can live together, raise a child together, pay bills, work together etc. etc. And we do it happily, that makes me confident in our decision to get married and have a wedding. At the same time, it will be nice when it's a happy memory in a lovely photo album haha

I've been in your shoes as a bridesmaid, so I've chosen a dress for the girls that is relatively inexpensive and a black cocktail style that can totally be worn again and again. The bachelorette is going to be a girls night at a cottage that everyone will go in on.

But I'm a little older than the average bride and have a child and mortgage to pay, so I'm probably a little more realistic in my wedding planning goals. Definitely not going wedding crazy, but it will still be nice.

Honestly, I think the 20 something wedding frenzy fades over time as more friends get married and other's don't. People start to relax and settle into their lives.

People feeling sorry and telling you that you too will find someone, does sound annoying. But remember, you don't have to defend or explain yourself to anyone. It's your life!

And you're 100 percent right, it is after all, just one day!

Kim Humes said...

Aw thanks for the loverley comment, penny! I really enjoy your blog as well!

omg Al I didn't even think about the events attached to the wedding, like the showers, etc. I know from experience planning my bff's shower and bachelorette this past spring that it gets frigin expensive really quickly!

Allison said...

Kim, I totally agree with you. Weddings are out of control. Now I love fancy events and stuff, but all the parties, the showers, bachelors, bachelorettes...it's madness.

I can see how easy it is to get swept up by wedding fever - but seriously people, why bother?

I think some girls just want the ring and the wedding and forget what they're actually signing up for.

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