It's My Party, and I'll Cry If I Want To

Today is sort of my last day at work. I say sort of because next Friday (Sept 3rd) is my last day in the office, but tonight is my "Goodbye Party". Yes, my boss wanted to have a party for me to say goodbye (and not because she's just THAT happy to see me finally leave...though actually I don't know that 100%...hmm....)

Anyway...

This is why I'm going to miss working here - because I work with the kind of people who want to throw a PARTY for me. ME! I've never had this happen before - heck at my last job I was barely given the space/time to clean out my desk. Generally, I hate being the centre of attention so at first the suggestion of having a party just for me made me cringe, but for the most part it made me all warm and fuzzy inside. I felt like having a Sally Field moment and yelling "You like me! You really like me!" (but I didn't - at least not out loud).

I feel very lucky that I even have a job, let alone one that has allowed me the freedom, support and genuine caring that I've experienced here. Of course, I don't technically HAVE a job anymore, which doesn't make me feel so lucky, but I'm still grateful for the experience I have had here. Honestly I wasn't that drawn to this job when it first fell into my lap about 15 months ago - frankly, I took it because I was unemployed and desperately broke so I really only saw it as a way to pay the bills. Little did I know how much I would learn about myself (my strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, etc), how openly the "family" would welcome me into the fold, how patient everyone would be while I attempted to fill some large shoes (whose owner had gone on mat leave), and how many fun, creative projects I would have the chance to work on.

In addition, I had no idea that my boss would turn out to be the best I've ever had. She has always made me feel valued, cared for, productive, and trusted, not to mention has always put my quality of life at the top of the list and in that vein has given me free time and space when I need it, no questions asked.

So, needless to say this party will be bittersweet for me. I'm not looking forward to leaving and I'll be sad to not be a part of this group anymore (I'll be sad to no longer have a job, period). However, I will still be helping them out on a contract basis here and there, so my foot will be kept in the door. And for the most part, I feel very positive about the whole thing because I'm very grateful I at least had this experience. I know first-hand how tough it is to find any job, let alone one that you enjoy and that allows you to work with people you enjoy as well. This is rare, and I'm privileged to have found it, even for a short time.

I've been feeling down lately about my job situation (or lack thereof), among other things and I'm very unsure of the future at the moment. But I'm determined to not to let this get me down. I have decided I'm going to try and stay positive no matter what. The drive for this comes from the gratefulness I feel re. the above, but also from a desire to come out on the other side rather than be mowed down.

I've been using various tactics to stay positive and one activity I've started doing that I would recommend to anyone is writing a list of "Affirmations" at the end of each day. This is a list of 10 positive things that happened that day and it's as simple as that. I started it as a way to train my brain to focus on the positive rather than the negative (which is tough for me as I tend to be naturally cynical and pessimistic). At first, I was worried it would be really hard to come up with 10 things every time and I decided I'd settle for coming up with more than one, but each day I have been able to draft a list quite quickly; I've found that once I start, the affirmations literally SPILL from my brain and out the pen! Even yesterday when I was feeling probably the most down I've felt all week and thought to myself "ugh, it's going to be tough to come up with 10 things tonight", I had 10 things listed in the blink of an eye! I was, and am, shocked at how such a small action can help so much.

It's sort of silly and there's no way of knowing whether it will actually help in the long run, but I truly think that if I keep it up, eventually my brain's thoughts will conform automatically to positive thinking, at least most of the time. If anything, it ends my day on a high note and allows me to go to sleep content and ready to tackle the morning, and that can never be a bad thing. I need all the positive thinking I can muster right now, and I am sure it will only come back to me in the long run.

Even if it doesn't, I will be satisfied just knowing I tried to fight the blues and had wonderful people behind me the entire time.

(This all being said, I'm still not looking forward to the "goodbye" part of the party. Ah well, at least there will be booze)