I'm an "inextrovert"! What about you?

Man, I hate Mondays. I hate them even more after staying up until midnight to watch the Golden Globes. I always say I'm not going to stay up and watch the whole thing ("ok, next commerical break, I'm going to bed...") but I always end up doing it. I live-tweeted throughout the whole evening, which was actually fun! It was like sitting around chatting about the show in real time with your friends. Plus, making fun of celebrities is always a good time. I love how Ricky Gervais can make them squirm! Mwahaha.

Anyhoo, one thing I do like about Monday's is that it means the "Monday Morning Motivator" will be in my email inbox! I signed up for this weekly email a while back when I was researching career coaching. It's sort of an email "newsletter" sent out on Mondays by CareerJoy, a "Canadian Career Coaching Company", and it always contains a short headliner advice article that is usually an interesting read.

This week's email headliner, entitled "Yes, but I'm an introvert...", caught my eye. The article states:

"Are you an introvert or an extrovert? If you are in introvert you are in good company. Introverts make up around 25% of the population. Some famous introverts include, Barbara Walters, Warren Buffet & Pierre Trudeau. Carl Jung defined introverts as "inward turning" and extroverts as "outward turning." Introverts are more energized alone, extroverts are energized by people. The classic myth is introverts are not as good with people, as extroverts are. We are all social beings, introverts can in many ways be better with people, they tend to be better listeners, more creative and more analytical. There are many advantages to being "inward turning" I would argue that it has never been a better time to be an introvert. With the rise of social media tools like, blogging. Linkedin, twitter and Facebook, great platforms for the person who is more introverted by nature. Social media is an "introverts" paradise."

This article mainly caught my eye because I've always considered myself to be an introvert. But on the other hand, I would consider myself to be an extrovert in some situations. Generally, I'm a shy person who is really uncomfortable approaching strangers and it takes me a while to warm up to people. However, I also enjoy socializing, meeting new people and having conversations. Which side of me predominates really depends on the dynamics and circumstances of each individual situation. I cannot be around people all the time (I have to have alone time and some social situations give me major anxiety) but I also can't be alone all the time either (I start to go stir-crazy if I don't socialize for a while and I love just being "out" with people where things are happening).

I know this is a complete contradiction but I'm willing to bet that the majority of people are this way, i.e. a mixture of intro and extroversion.

The thing that really gets me is that being introverted in our society is sort of seen as a negative thing. As Alan says above, "The classic myth is introverts are not as good with people, as extroverts are", and as someone who has been  classified as "introverted" pretty much her entire life, this stereotype is frustrating. (this post sort of relates to this one, where I discuss my Myers-Briggs personality type).

In our society, introversion is generally associated with anti-socialness (or at least poor social skills), being uptight and conservative, risk-averse, and agoraphobic, whereas extroversion is associated with being fun, talkative, adventurous and charismatic. For some reason, if you have a quieter personality and are a listener or thinker rather than a talker, than you are seen as wierd, mysterious, or as an outsider. Someone who doesn't like people and isn't open to new ideas and experiences. Just try Googling "introvert" and check out the image results (lets just say many of them are depressing).

I have struggled with shyness and self-consciousness my entire life, and I still struggle with it. I've come a long way and I become more and more ok with it as I get older but this is probably something I will always have with me. I'm becoming more and more ok with the fact that it's part of who I am but I can't lie, it's frustrating not being one of those people who (seemingly) feels comfortable talking to anyone about anything.

Much of the frustration that comes from being a "quiet" person stems not so much from wanting to change this about myself but from the judgments that people make because of it. I've had so many people assume that I just don't like people, that I have nothing important to say, that I'm a "goody-goody" who is timid and weak and obviously those things are completely off-base. I have had people even assume that shyness is something that I chose, that I can just snap my fingers and magically be outgoing all the time. Trust me, if it were that easy I would have done it by now. I do agree that my shyness is something I can work on overcoming by putting myself outside my comfort zone (and I try to do that as much as possible), but it's a lot easier said than done.

I just think there is something to be said for being quiet at times. I think there is something to be said for holding some things back, for thinking and listening before talking, for observing rather than interacting, for taking time to recharge and reflect, for having fewer, closer friends rather than a humongous social circle. It doesn't mean I won't chew you out or stand up for myself/loved ones if I feel the need. And you might find this hard to believe, but I actually love going on adventures, having opinionated heated debates, and I've partied too hard many times (hey I've got "skydiving" on my "30 B4 30" list, ok?)

I'm sorry if this sounds sort of "rant-y" as I didn't intend it to be. I'm not trying to get on a soap-box here and rant about how no one understands me. I just wanted to say that (as a traditionally "introverted" person) I have had many people make assumptions about me based on that alone. I may be an introvert, but that's not all I am. And extroverts are much more than their general personalities, too. Human beings are extremely complex creatures and it's not as simple as sticking a label on someone's shoulder and calling it a day.
In any case, regardless of what categories you do or don't fit into, it's not about the cards you are dealt it's how you play them.

Just remember, in games of chance (like life) it is often the quiet, unassuming ones you have to watch out for! (mwahaha) *wink*

And if it hurts to be so blind, why don't you try bein' kind?

This video (discovered on this site this morning) made my day:



Isn't that heartwarming? I know, some of you are probably barfing from the cheese-overload, but I admit it, I can't get enough of this kind of thing. These random acts of kindness and fun that you occasionally see in our over-sexed, over-violent, over-isolated world.

Perhaps that's why they warm my heart so much - because sometimes it seems you don't hear about or see them happening very often. Well, I think the truth is that they happen all the time but we just need to pay attention to them more and give them more value.

When was the last time you did something kind for a stranger? I'm sorry to say I can't even remember when the last time was for me. It's funny though because anytime a stranger has done something nice for ME, I remember it ALWAYS (and I have a terrible memory, so that's saying something). For example, I still remember the time a few years ago when my mom and I pulled up to the drive-thru window at a local coffee shop and were informed that the woman in the car in front of us had paid for our entire order! We were both completely dumb-founded, and to this day thinking about that small, tiny gesture makes me grin like an idiot.

Or that time my car got stuck on a hill while driving home in a huge snowstorm, and a man walking by (as well as one from the car behind me) pushed on my bumper until the tires were freed.
These are all incredibly SMALL acts in terms of effort and time. They were not sweeping acts of society-altering reform, but things that only took a few minutes and affected only me. But look at the lasting impact these small acts have had on me! The fact that I still think and smile about them years after they have occurred just goes to show how much gestures of kindness can mean to another person.

It can be so easy to get caught up in our own "stuff" and in the negative occurances that happen in the run of a day, that we often forget that there are other people around us and that they are dealing with their own negative "stuff". Everyone has a story, everyone has something weighing on their mind and everyone needs a pick-me-up now and then.

I don't mean to lecture about how we should all treat each other better, because trust me, I'm very guilty of not engaging with others as much as I could. I tend to be shy and keep to myself and rarely engage with strangers in any case, let alone to do something nice for them. I'm just saying that watching the video above and reading the linked post opened my eyes to the fact that I (and human beings in general) close myself off an awful lot and that is not always necessary. It made me want to go out and do something nice for someone I've never met, and I think this is something we should all consider doing at some time or another.

Who knows if I will actually do this; chances are I'll forget all about this video and lesson in a few days, caught up in those errands I have to run, that car that cut me off, or that cashier that barely looked at me. That's usually what happens with these kinds of lessons, of course; they become overshadowed by life and its everyday annoyances.

But, hey, I still remember that lady at Tim Hortons, don't I? So, perhaps there IS a chance I'll remember this lesson too and do something nice for someone this week. And perhaps you will remember to do this too. Chances are if you and I go through with it, someone else will pass it on, then that person will pass it on, etc, etc, etc. And if that happens, think about how much more love will be out in the world.

Who knows, you might just make someone's day. And isn't that enough of a reason?

For more on how to make someone's day (and yours), visit the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation website (oh yes, it exists).  Or check out this song.